Unsaid
by TZDDN
Summary: Just another evening at the office?No,that night, Ziva, Gibbs, and Tony's paths crossed in a way they shouldn't have. They were all doing very different things and all ended up in the bullpen. Someone gets hurt. An old character comes back from the dead. I'm not english, I'm Italian, so I apologize in advance for the idiomatic mistakes and vocab.a bit TIVA (but not central) Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**NCIS HQ - 3:32 a.m.**

Ziva had been working late to wrap up some paperwork that night. She sat at the back desk all night to finish it, as she didn't want her desk to be a mess. She needed some company, but she knew nobody was there, so she went at a certain point to Abby's lab. It was locked. She picked the lock, like she had done a thousand times before and came in. She looked around. Everything was perfectly at its place. She smiled peacefully at Bart the farting hippo, and thought "yep this little guy is going to keep me company for the rest of the night." She then took a look at herself in a piece of glass. She was nothing like the woman she used to be before she worked for NCIS. She was now a tidy woman, sometimes borderline girly. She hadn't lost her combat skills, she had only learned how to use them productively, instead of as a weapon of massive destruction. She suddenly heard her bloodstream pump through her ears. "Maybe Tony is right, maybe America has made me a little softer..." she thought, smiling back at the time Tony told her that.

She came back upstairs, holding Bart in her arms as she might have been holding a puppy. She came back to the squad room when she suddenly heard some noise as she was stepping in. She quickly dropped the puppet and pulled out her spare gun from god knows where. She hid behind the desks, waiting the right time to make her move. It was dark in the office, but she could clearly hear someone groan and grunt. Someone fell against a desk, she heard some panting, as if someone was having trouble breathing. She hazarded a look over the bullpen, just in time to see Tony on his knees, crawling to her desk. She stood up, as he slipped on his hand and rolled to the side, coughing heavily. Something dark came out of his mouth as he coughed but she couldn't see exactly what it was as she was still watching him from afar. She came closer, calling him, when she saw his shirt and jacket covered in blood.

She ran to him, called speed dial, thinking it was the paramedics but it was Gibbs.

She said:

-Help me, please, agent wounded, stabbed to the chest at NCIS HQ, hurry up… there… there is blood everywhere, he is bleeding out.

She didn't hang up and threw the cell away. She knelt down next to her closest friend's motionless body.

-Tony… no no no stay with me...

She immediately applied pressure on the large stab wound in his lower right abdomen. He opened his eyes.

-Hey there.  
She smiled, relieved to see that he was alive, keeping pressure with both hands on his chest.

-Hey...sweet cheeks.

He did his half smirk, the one Ziva was so fond of. But his smile soon vanished to turn into a painful look, as he rolled to the side and started coughing blood. His lungs were obviously filling up with his own blood, and breathing through it was becoming more and more difficult. Ziva was scared at this sight. But she tried not to let it show too much, she didn't want Tony to worry, she just wanted him to focus on his breathing.

"Breathe Tony, breathe. Yes, good. It's ok Tony, you're going to be just fine, you..."

He painfully raised a finger to her lips..

-Ziva…  
He could barely whisper, and Ziva could see in his eyes this was causing him excruciating pain. She grabbed his hand, bloodied. He clearly wants to say something. Tony took a couple of deep breaths, looking her right in the eyes. It was almost dawn, Ziva could see a little more his face, and its contraction as Tony whispered barely audibly.

-I'm sorry...

His eyes rolled, as Ziva kept holding his hand.

-No! No no no, Tony don't you dare leave me behind! Hear me DiNozzo? Don't you dare leave me! she cried.

She let his hand go, it dropped deafly on the carpet. She pressed the wound with both hands, mumbling :  
-Come on, Tony, come on!

A single, perfectly round tear dropped from her eye and falls on Tony's shirt, soaked with blood.

-No, Tony please... Wake up, come on! Please…Please…

At this very moment, the paramedics ran in, immediately followed by Gibbs. He quietly took her away from Tony while the paramedics collected him. She stood, shaking, clearly in shock, next to her boss who gently held her by the shoulders.

-He'll be fine Ziva, he said.  
She couldn't break eye contact with Tony, her coworker and maybe something more.

Ziva, who was already on edge, burst into tears. Gibbs took her into his arms, as she put her bloody hands around his square shoulders. She was covered in blood, but it wasn't hers.

They were soon headed to the car in order to go to the hospital. Ziva didn't go on the passenger's seat, she wanted to drive. As she turned the key to turn on the car, Gibbs put his hand over hers, making her stop.

"Tell me what happened"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! here is my second chapter :)  
sorry it's short, it was actually really long in the first place, but then I decided to cut it in two to make the suspens last longer ;) don't be mad at me please!  
Also, I forgot to mention THE STORY IS SET AFTER BERLIN BUT BEFORE THE WHOLE PARSONS CASE (S 10). Just to give you an idea of the emotional state of the characters.  
Please review the story if you like it, and tell me what could improve or what you'd like to see. I actually dreamt that story so I already know how it unfolds more or less, give me time to write it (I'm right in the middle of my final exams)!  
Enjoy.**

That evening was going absolutely great for Tony DiNozzo. He had left the office at 10 p.m. grabbed a drink with Tim at their favorite bar.  
-So, you really like this woman, this Delilah, don't you Tim?  
He hadn't stopped talking about her since they left the office. "Actually", Tony thought "he hasn't stopped since this morning". He was genuinely happy for his friend. He realized over the years the two of them had grown very close. At first he didn't respect at all McGee, and called him all sorts of names. But since their experience in Somalia, they were almost equals. Tony really appreciated McGee having his back, facing death with him no matter what, just to avenge Ziva. He saw Tim really understood why he needed to go, and he especially loved that he didn't ask anything about it. It was as if they talked through their mind. Tony was also in a good mood because he had stuck Ziva at the office with some paperwork. He merely loved teasing her, taking advantage of her as she was her probie for the past two years.

-Yes, I do. Did I mention she was top of the class at MIT in computer programming?

-Uh, yeah, only like a thousand times this evening. And I am only talking about this evening! So, what are you gonna do about it, Tim?

-She's the best geek I've ever seen, probably even better than Abby… And God, is she beautiful.  
Tim was obviously not listening to a word Tony was saying. He took the opportunity to headslap the younger agent.

-Hey, what was that for? asked Tim with a perplex face.

-You aren't listening Tim, it's like talking to a wall… Where do you see this relationship going? Ah, never mind, you have fun with her in Florida and maybe send me a couple of hot bikini pictures of your hot nerdy girlfriend, Nerdy McNerd. I'll see you in two weeks. And by the way…  
He stood up, looking down at Tim. He took a deep, serious voice, probably trying to imitate the one in a movie, but Tim didn't get the reference:  
-Nobody is better than Abby.

Tony finished his second drink and walked out of the bar. As he walked to his car, he thought to himself that he really had to call Tim names again, he had forgotten how fulfilling it was.

A few minutes later he walked into his apartment. He threw the key on the coffee table and fed his goldfish Kate. He missed Kate sometimes, but not a single day had passed in which she didn't think of her. Actually, he had bought a goldfish just for her. But it died, and he bought another and another one after that. He thought he'd have to let go eventually. But he wasn't ready yet. He walked to the living room, passing in front of the kitchen door. That's when he noticed him.  
-You…  
-Hello DiNozzo.  
-It can't be…

Tony was puzzled. He wasn't actually sure this was real. In front of him stood a man he had seen die before his eyes. No, it couldn't be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Couldn't wait to post the new chapter... Now you know what Gibbs, Tony and Ziva were doing that thursday night. But you don't know yet what happened to Tony! That will be coming up in the next chapter. I already wrote it, but I want to torture you a little and make you wait. Patience is a blessing, my friends! ;)  
Enjoy this chapter, even if there isn't much dialogue it's important for the Boss.**

**Gibbs' basement - roughly 3:30 am**

Gibbs was in his basement, as he always was. Actually, many of his friends thought he hardly knew he had a house above that basement. He was working on a new boat, but he was lazy as to start it. This time, he didn't have anyone to make the boat for, it was a boat to kill his boredom of long sleepless nights. He had spent his night cutting wood and drinking bourbon. Cutting and drinking. At some point, he even pulled a record player out of a drawer and hit the play button. He heard his wife and his daughter talk to him again. He heard Kelly play the piano. He had the feeling his girls were there with him, and a warm feeling filled his heart. Seated on a wooden chair he had made himself, Gibbs was staring the invisible to everyone but him Shannon and Kelly Gibbs. He sniffed to hold back his tears. He didn't want it to be like the last time. Last time he started crying, and all his memories went back to him. He could have hung himself if Tobias didn't come in right at the time he was knotting the rope. So he held his tears inside, closed his eyes and turned the record player off. It was too painful for him to stand. He poured himself another glass of scotch. As he was about to drink, his cell rang. He didn't mean to answer but he did it somehow as an automatism. He saw the ID just before picking up. "Ziva" he thought,"I wonder what she wants to call me for at this time of the night". He then answered.  
-Help me, please, agent wounded, stabbed to the chest at NCIS hq, hurry up … there… there is blood everywhere, he is bleeding out.

She had obviously mixed up numbers and called him instead of the paramedics. He jumped off the chair. He almost ended the call until he realized it was still on. Then he heard his name... Tony. The agent she was talking to and about was Tony.

An irrepressible fear took him, narrowing his throat. It couldn't be. He couldn't face death, not again, not after his thoughts that night. He called the paramedics himself.  
-I have an agent down at the NCIS hq, he's been stabbed to the chest and needs immediate medical attention. You must go there right now!  
-I'm sending an ambulance right this second sir...  
He shut off the communication. He had to be there too, for Ziva and for Tony. He rushed to his car, his beautiful and fast car. He lived quite far from the navy yard, but he knew that at that time of the night, he could be there in only a few minutes.

He started the engine and drove like he had never driven. Not once did his foot touch the brake. All he could think of was Tony. How did he get hurt in the first place? Why and how did Ziva find him? A thought crossed his mind... No. Ziva David wasn't a cold blooded killer anymore, and she had a special connection with DiNozzo, she would have never done anything to hurt him. At least not physically. Gibbs then thought back to all the times Ziva had hurt tony. He was really crushed when she left for Israel, when she said she couldn't come back because of what he had done. On top of that, the poor bastard was right, that Mossad agent did in fact play her, and so did her father. Things got worse when he thought she was dead. Tony didn't say a thing but Gibbs knew him, he knew a part of him died along with Ziva. His heart and soul. He knew the world meant nothing to him. Actually, yes, ziva did hurt tony, but he knew that she would have never done it on purpose now.

Gibbs raced through the city still sound asleep, and he managed to hear the sound of the ambulance getting closer to him. He arrived at the navy yard at the exact same moment the ambulance did.  
-Which way sir? asked a young paramedical.

-Follow me.

He took the stares, and despite the sound of the paramedics' footsteps running behind him, he clearly hear Ziva cry:  
-Come on Tony, come on!  
He ran faster, faster than he had in years. But the young paramedics outran him, and found them a few seconds before he did. Ziva was desperately trying to save Tony. Her hands and shirt were covered with blood, as she was uselessly trying to pump his blood back into his chest.  
-Please…  
She was crying. Gibbs knelt beside her, and slowly put his hands on his shoulders, he pulled her back. They slowly stood up as the paramedics carried out DiNozzo's motionless body.  
-He'll be fine, Ziva. he said, trying to convince himself and his friend.  
She then started weeping loudly and heavily, her hands on his square shoulders, her warm tears slowly wetting his chest. He went down holding her against him. They took the elevator this time. They exited the building at about the same time the ambulance stormed away.  
-We have to go to the hospital, Ziva. he said. He didn't think she heard, because she was still sobbing and didn't answer. However, she took out her car keys and rushed to her car. As she was about to turn the engine on, Gibbs put a soft but firm hand on hers, avoiding her to turn the key.  
-Tell me what happened. he said, when she turned to him with amazed and appalled eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know some of you are frustrated because there are a lot of... how do you say it... loose ends (I think?) There are a lot of question marks and you have to be patient to find out what happens. In this chapter you will find out what has happened to TONY, so it should calm your curiosity to a certain extent.  
As for the question: who is the mysterious man? You will have to be a bit more patient for that one, you'll find out in a few chapters. I am leaving you bread crumbs though, so that you prepare yourself to discover the mysterious identity... enjoy your reading and thanks for the reviews! :)**

"What? Aren't you glad to see me?"  
"You…"  
Tony reached for his gun he had just laid on top of the cupboard, but the man in front of him pointed a gun to his head as soon as he was about to move.  
"See, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Give me your gun. And your knife."  
"I don't have a knife." Tony lied.  
He had always been an honest man, so he wasn't really a good liar. As Wendy once said "Tony is the most honest person I know. The only person he doesn't seem to be able to be honest with is himself". On top of that, the man who was standing in his kitchen knew for certain he had one.  
"DiNozzo, come on. You used to be a better liar than that."  
Tony found out it was pointless to argue, so he threw his gun and knife on the floor.  
"Good."  
"What do you want? You're supposed to be dead…"  
"Right! I'm dead! Only you see, I have died many many times already, and it seems I always manage to survive somehow. Your bad."  
"What do you want." Tony said it slowly and made a pause between every word. He wanted this to be over.  
"I want you to go to your office and get me something."  
"And if I don't?"  
The man walked towards him, still holding the gun in his hand.  
"Let me get this straight for you now. You hadn't a clue I was alive for the past few years but I have followed your every move. I know what you did back in Somalia, pretty heroic and a little cheesy if I may say. The point is, I know you're not afraid to die, DiNozzo. I also know it would be a real shame if something were to happen to Ziva…"  
"Are you threatening Ziva now?"  
The man stood silent.  
"What is it you want me to get?" Tony was giving in. He couldn't take a stand when Ziva's life was at stake. He knew how dangerous this man was, he couldn't risk losing her again.  
"I want you to get something from Ziva's desk for me. It's a flash drive, it is in her bottom left hand drawer, in a small red box."  
"Why do you want the flash drive?"  
"This I cannot tell you. I can only tell you that if the information in contains were to be diffused, I would immediately have to kill Ziva. You have 24 hours to deliver me the flash-drive here at your apartment. If you don't you know what happens to the Israeli beauty…"  
The man then looked down at the gun, which was now only a few inches away from Tony's chest.  
"I am so sorry, I had almost forgotten how to be a gentleman, just like old days."

He threw his gun on the ground. Tony thought he saw a chance to stop the crazy man he had in front of him. He came to him and tried to hit him with a box of cigars he had managed to grab. Not that he smoked cigars, of course, but he always thought they were tremendously classy. Only, Tony forgot how fast this man was, and he didn't notice he had a long sharp knife hidden behind his back. Everything happened extremely quickly. Tony didn't almost feel the blade slide between his lower rib and behing his ribcage, through his stomach and perforating slightly his right lung. The man threw him a punch across the face. Tony stumbled and fell on his knees, panting, holding his side.

"See? You shouldn't have done that. Don't be a pussy, I didn't touch any arteries, you're not going bleed out. However, this might get serious in an hour. You have an hour time to go to your office, find the key and bring it back here. Isn't that wonderful? I even might see you die, slowly and painfully if you manage to make it back."  
Tony didn't answer; he had to catch his breath both from the punch and from the wound. The man knelt next to him and whispered into his ear:  
"I suggest you get going, you haven't got much time ahead of you. It looks like a nasty scratch you got down there. The deal still stands, don't let anyone know I was here and bring me the key in 24H tops. Otherwise she dies. I'll make it as painful as for you."

The man walked out of the apartment. Tony grabbed the edge of the table and somehow managed to stand up. He had trouble breathing but he could walk. Of course he had to help himself with something. He had no time to lose. He got to his car as fast as he could, but he was starting to breathe really heavily. He drove to the Navy Yard as fast as he could. He gave a quick glance to the clock of his car: 3.36 p.m.

He double parked his car right in front of the entrance. He could barely step out of the car, it was of no use parking it. He slowly held on to the wall to help him walk into the NCIS HQ. He didn't have time to wonder why nobody was guarding it. He pressed the elevator button. He felt his legs shaking. He didn't have much time before collapsing. The elevator mercifully dinged, and Tony threw himself inside. He pressed the second floor button, and held on to the sides of the elevator. He couldn't hold on for much longer. His breath was getting heavier and heavier, as if someone was strangling his lungs. The elevator doors opened. Yes, he could do it. He still had enough strength to get there. He tried to walk out of the elevator, and he almost fell down. His legs weren't able to hold his weight anymore. He fell on the desk right in front of the elevator. "I can't do this, I can't". But then a voice inside him told him "Dammit Tony, he's going to kill Ziva!". This gave him back a strength he didn't know how he could possibly still have inside him. He walked a few steps. The mind over the body doesn't always work, and Tony fell on his knees, gasping for air. "I have to get there" he kept telling himself. But a few seconds later, even his knees wouldn't work anymore. His hand slipped and he fell on his chest, feeling something crack inside, probably a rib already damaged by the blade. He started crawling desperately towards the desk. "I'm doing it for her, for my Ziva" he kept saying that to himself. Suddenly, he could no longer breathe. He started coughing loudly, spitting his own blood. He couldn't. He laid down.

Right when he was about to turn unconscious, he felt a lacerating pain to his wound. He opened his eyes. Tony saw the most exquisite vision he could have while dying: Ziva's face. He wanted to yell to her to run like hell, he wanted to hug her and send her away at the same time. But most of all, he was glad she was there. She was talking but he couldn't quite make out what she was saying. It didn't matter. Her voice filled his ears like the one of an angel. "It's a wonderful way to die", Tony thought to himself. He wanted to tell her, to thank her, to tell her she was the best thing that had ever walked into his life. However, Tony could barely breathe. He tried to yell at her "Ziva!", but he realized he could only barely whisper, and it already was too much for him. "You have an hour, my ass!" he thought.  
"I'm sorry." he muttered.  
And he truly was sorry. If he couldn't provide the man with the flash drive, he was going to come for her, and Tony was already feeling guilty for whatever would have happened to her because he couldn't make it. Because he had been too weak to make it.  
He just saw Ziva's face turn pale, then everything turned black, he had stopped breathing, he couldn't breathe anymore. And while blood, fatigue and pain had the best of him, Tony had a smile on his face thinking of the last sight he had: a beautiful Israeli angel, with huge brown eyes filled with tears looking right into his.


	5. Chapter 5

**This one's mostly about Gibbs, and his relationship with Tony. Also how he deals with the whole Tiva thing... I hope you're enjoying the story so far! Please review whenever you feel like it :)**

Their trip had been silent. Once Ziva had stared into her boss' icy eyes, and told him how she had found him, she didn't have much to say. Gibbs hadn't said a word either. He'd always been a man of few words, and so was she. During the whole ride, all she could think of was Tony. The look in his eyes, so lost but glad to be found by hers. His smirk right when he fainted, right when he stopped breathing and Gibbs had come in. His hand holding hers and slowly loosening his grip. And of course, she kept seeing her hands, her both hands trying to push life inside his body again, a life that was slowly running away from him, slipping through her fingers along with his blood. She lowered her gaze and stared at her hands again. They were still covered in blood, so were her sleeves and most of her shirt. She didn't care to have blood on her hands, she only cared because it was _his_ blood. She realized he'd really lost a lot of blood.

Gibbs could see how upset she was, pensive and all. He put his hand on her right arm, as she was driving. It had been rough on him too. He had the time to take a good look at Tony before they came with the stretcher. He wasn't in good shape at all. He was knocked unconscious on the floor, blood everywhere, he didn't seem like breathing. Maybe he didn't even have a pulse either. Yes, he might. Then of course he remembers Ziva, holding him, pressing his wound drowned in blood, crying, shouting at him to wake up. And he was just laying there, his eyes were closed, he didn't wake up. He almost gasped horrified at the sight of all the blood of his agent… Oh hell, he wasn't his agent, he was his son. His elderly son, the chosen one. Tony was the best damn agent he'd ever seen on the field, not to mention an amazing person too. He was funny and deep, talented and caring. Yes, he really was caring. Gibbs knew he cared so much about the family, about him and McGee, about Ducky, Palmer… He also cared a lot about the girls: Abby and of course, Ziva. Yes, he and Ziva really had something there. He had seen it coming from the first week she'd worked at NCIS. They really had the sparkling. But back then he couldn't afford to see his team torn apart by two lovebirds who'd probably have sex a couple of times and end it there. That's why he had the rule, that precious rule #12. Over the years the relationship evolved, and he saw it. Their mutual attraction went far beyond the one Tony had with Kate. It was just so real, you could almost touch the electrical field between the two agents, the two friends. Then he accepted it. He couldn't avoid it, they had jealousy issues all the time about one another, he couldn't bear to see them suffer. Besides, the look they each had reminded him a lot of the looks he used to throw to his wife Shannon. And he knew that if their sparkle was that real, then things just had to take their course.

Of course then the trouble came along… fast. They were so close, but then they fell apart, and he had to leave Ziva in Israel. It really hurt him to do it. But he knew he couldn't do otherwise. He didn't want to leave her into her father's hands, he was afraid to lose her too. He wanted to protect her, but he understood she couldn't trust Tony. He was glad she could trust him, but he had had trust issues in the past and understood the feeling. It had been hard on Tony. He could literally see him getting eaten up by guilt from the inside. It was a real torture to see him like that. Then, when he found out she was dead, he saw Tony's look on his face when he'd told them. He had the same look he, L. J. Gibbs, had when he found out Tony had a 15% chance to survive the plague. He'd noticed the bags under his eyes, the smell of alcohol that never left him during that month. Then when he asked to take revenge on her he understood how much he had changed, changed with her. He wasn't the childish self-centered DiNozzo he once was, no, he was so much more. It's like a drawing that suddenly peels off the sheet of paper and becomes an actual being, a 3D figure. He was so proud of what he had become thanks to her. So very proud of his Tony. But he never got the chance to tell him that, no. He had to keep up his stoic face, never pay him a compliment, never play nice, that's how the kids learnt. But right now, right this moment, he couldn't keep it up anymore, not with Ziva. He knew he had to be strong, but it really was too much for him to handle. So yes, he put his hand on her arm when he saw her look at her bloodied hands.

She looked at him and gently squeezed his hand. She smiled, but it was a sad smile. She thought that it must have been tough on Gibbs too, but she really didn't know what to say to him. She was lost in her last memories with Tony. She stopped the car in front of the hospital. They had arrived.  
"Ziva…" he whispered.  
No words needed to be said. With Gibbs it was like this, a lot of things were said without actually putting them into words. That's how, without a single sound, she threw herself into Gibbs' arms. She closed her eyes as they embraced, and he felt his warm, controlled breath on her neck, and a tear rolling down his icy blue eyes on her shoulder.

_A/N: I just found out in English dialogues are written with quotation marks and not with dashes as in French (yes, because I live in France so I write in French all the time, sorry!) I would have apologized for the inconvenience some of you might have experienced but an apology is a sign of weakness, nobody can argue with Gibbs!_


	6. Chapter 6

**The chapter you're about to read is very dense, very emotional. I suggest you prepare a pack of kleenex just in case. An old friend visits Tony while unconscious. **

Tony was gently floating in the dark. He wasn't in pain anymore. He could clearly see in front of him Ziva's face, all tired and crying, screaming his name and how he couldn't leave her. "I don't want to leave you" he wanted to say. He wanted to cup her face into his hands, look at her right into the eyes and tell her "You are not alone. I ain't leaving you, sweet cheeks." But he couldn't. He couldn't say a damn word. Hell, he couldn't even open his eyes, or breathe, or make his heart beat for that matter. He was just there, swimming into this dark space, unknown to him, thinking of Ziva.

_-I don't have a pulse! We have to shock him now!  
-On three, ready?  
-One… Two…_

Tony wondered what those voices meant. Was he the one with no pulse? He wouldn't know.

_-Three, clear!_

On that "clear", his pitch black environment suddenly turned into a nice garden. He had seen some similar gardens on a magazine, they were the Versailles gardens, the most beautiful and large gardens in France, probably in the world. He liked those gardens a lot, with their perfectly shaped bushes, their huge white marble fountains… It was an architectural masterpiece, and it made him feel like the king of France. He was sitting on a bench; the weather was warm but not too hot. A subtle breeze made women's hair float, sending him their scent. He liked that, a lot actually. He saw two young kids running right past him, screaming.  
_-I've got a pulse, I've got a pulse!  
-He's breathing again! But blood pressure's going down again. Hang on in there!  
_He wondered why two kids who weren't even ten yet talk such nonsense. But he didn't have time to ask, as a much too familiar voice greeted him:

"Hi Tony."  
He turned around, thinking he must have misheard, but there she is. He isn't quite sure what to say.  
"Kate? How can you possibly… Wait, are we in France?"  
Kate giggled, amused.  
"Versailles' gardens are simply breathtaking this time of the year…"  
She sat next to him, their hips and knees touching.  
"Kate, I messed up… I'm sorry…" he began. He couldn't actually believe he could see her, or speak to her, feel her again.  
"Have you already forgotten Gibbs' rules?" she said smiling and throwing her head back. "Listen Tony, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm not exactly glad I died, but…it was for a greater good, believe me, I know it."  
"So you're not expecting an apology from me?" he sighted relieved. "Why did you come all this way to talk to me then? Oh wait… Am I the one who has come to you?"  
Tony wasn't really sure why he was talking to his former partner's ghost, how it could be. But he wasn't that surprised to see her either, after all, he'd been stabbed by a man he saw dying with his own eyes. Kate laughed at his question. It sounded so sweet, and yet so natural, as if a child, amazed, asked his parents if the Tooth Fairy really existed. It made her laugh.  
"No Tony, you haven't come to me…yet. Actually we shall discuss that, but later. Right now I'm here to ask you how you messed up. Why you messed up."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Tony, you're between life and death here. I want you to tell me why this happened."  
Tony looked puzzled.  
"But…Didn't you see? I thought dead people could see anything."  
"I want to hear it from you, DiNozzo."  
Tony looked at Kate, amazed. She hadn't changed a bit.  
"Alright then." He sighted. "Where do I start?"  
"Last time you were conscious, you were in the bullpen, next to my desk. Well it's really Ziva's desk now. Why were you there?"  
"I had to."  
"Why?"  
"Because otherwise he would hurt her."  
"Who?"  
Tony had a blank. He had been assaulted by a man he knew, a man he had known before. He hadn't known him for long, but he knew enough of him to know he was really dangerous.  
"I don't know…" he answered with a sorrow face.  
He knew the eyes though. He perfectly knew the man's eyes, but he couldn't remember his name or who he was.  
"Why did he want to hurt her?"  
"He said he'd hurt her if I didn't give him what he wanted…"  
"Which was?"  
"A flash drive."  
"And why did you feel it was your job to protect her?"  
Tony looked amazed at her. He couldn't believe she was seriously asking that.  
"Well, 'cause she's my partner!"  
"I was your partner too, you were supposed to protect me too, look how that turned out… I didn't exactly see you crawling in a pool of your own blood for me…"  
That stung Tony's heart. He didn't see why she was trying to hurt his feelings. He was upset, and a little mad too.  
"Are you questioning my loyalty to you? Or to Ziva?"  
"Well think about it, Tony! How were you feeling when I died?"  
"I was really sad, I felt lonely. But then she came along and I moved on."  
"And you moved on." she stated. "You moved on. How did you feel when you thought she was dead?"

Tony could tell by her tone that she was pissed. So was he, nonetheless, he remembered the feeling when he heard the news. "There were no survivors". No survivors. His Israeli ninja was gone for good, and it was his entire fault. He could never hug her again, never tease her again, never tell her…  
"I felt…lifeless. I felt empty. I felt angry too. I felt nothing in the world mattered anymore. Every day was just a routine; I didn't even pay attention to what people were saying most of the time. I didn't care about the cases, or about the victims. I couldn't see the sun outside, or feel the warmth of one of Abby's sympathizing hugs. I couldn't hear the birds sing or the kids laugh in the street. I tried…I really tried to move on. But I couldn't. I could just see her damn empty spot right in front of me, every day. It's almost as if life was mocking me. But I tried, believe me Kate, I did. I tried to ease my pain in alcohol and sex. Alcohol and meaningless sex. It didn't work, Kate. Everyday I'd go to work with bags under my eyes from my sleepless nights and hangovers, or drunk even. I couldn't, I'm sorry…"

Tony took his head in his hands. The reminiscence of this feeling was just too painful right now. He couldn't handle it. And how could he tell it to Kate, how could he tell her all the things he did when Ziva was gone and that he didn't do for her? He couldn't even look at her right now, too scared to meet her hazelnut eyes.  
"I'm sorry Katie" he mumbled through his teeth.  
Kate looked at him with a gaze of beatitude. Of course, she knew all along what he had been experiencing through these few months, she knew how hard it had been on him. She was there when he was crying his eyes out all night long; calling Ziva's name, asking himself what he'd done wrong. She was there when he was getting drunk, or when he was throwing full glasses of scotch at the wall, just to break something, get it out of his system. She had been looking over him all the time, but he didn't know. He'd never know. She rubbed Tony's back as he was about to break down, and finally took his hand.  
"And why did you care so much about her?" she asked softly.  
Tony held his head up, and looked at her. He was on the verge of crying.  
"Because…Because it was her. It was her who was dead. Dead because of me. Because of what I had done."  
"Why do you care so much about her? You seem to care deeply about her. And yet, you seemed to care deeply about me too. How come you had such different reactions?"  
She didn't say it with an angry voice, on the contrary, she was trying to sooth him.

Tony looked at her again. She was smiling. He regained composure. He was glad she wasn't mad at him. But what was she supposed to be mad for? Because he loved Ziva more than her? Then it struck him.  
"You…" he paused. "You're trying to make me say the unsaid!"  
She smiled at him and he smiled back.  
"It took you longer than I thought to figure it out, DiNozzo!"  
He gently squeezed her hand, which had never left his. He looked down at the two intertwined hands on his leg.  
"With her it's different. You…" He dove his glare into her eyes. "You know I loved you Kate, I really did. But I loved you like a brother, a sibling. I truly missed you when you were gone. But her…"  
"With her it's a different kind of love. Isn't it?"  
She kept smiling at him.  
"Yes, yes it is." he agreed. "She is just…"  
"She's the love of your life, Tony."  
Kate cut him straight. He looked at her appalled. But then he looked down again, and started playing with her hand.  
"Maybe…" he said hesitantly.  
Kate took his hand away from him.  
"How can you 'maybe' that? You're in love with her, you love her. I know it, I can see it from above, you know!"  
"I guess I am…"  
He was about to break down again. She took again his hand in hers, this time she was the one gently rubbing her thumbs on it.  
"Well, what are you waiting for to tell her?"  
And this time, it was Tony who took his hand away from hers.  
"It's complicated." He said, looking away to the countless tourist who were strolling in the gardens.  
"How is it complicated?" she insisted.  
"Well… She's complicated… I'm complicated… Gibbs' rules… And the team. We're partners Kate." He mumbled.  
"You're also friends, and in love with each other."  
"Well I don't know about the each other part. She doesn't sound sure of what she wants, you know. You know what she did back in Israel, with Adam. How am I supposed to assume she's in love with me if she keeps pulling away from me?"  
"Come on Tony, you know that all Adam thing was nothing. She was lost. Didn't you say yourself you had meaningless sex when she was supposedly dead? You needed to heal. She needed to heal too."  
"Yes, but I was there for her. I could have been the one to heal her. I'm always there for her."  
"But she needed comfort now."  
"Yeah but I could have just… Anyways it's over now. Everything's over. We're partners, we're 'friends' like she said."  
"But you could be so much more, Tony."  
"I can't. I can't afford to lose her. If we're together while we're partners, we can't screw up. And as a matter of fact, we both screw up a lot."  
"You really think she's right then? You really think that you're both 'romantically dysfunctional'?"  
He flashed back to that evening, two years ago. She was with Ray at the time. Yeah, she'd said that. It was also the first time Ziva ever admitted he was 'in her life'. It had meant a lot to him back then. He turned to her once more.  
"How can you be so sure? You've got it all figured out somehow, and I'm kept in the dark? How's that fair?"  
"I'm sure because I know. I see what everyone sees and what you two seem to ignore. You care so much about each other you're too afraid to lose yourselves. You're too afraid that it's not going to work. You're too afraid to get hurt, and hurt the other. But I see what you are, now, right now, and I see what you can be, tomorrow and every day of your lives, and when I see what you are and what you can be, it just seems a shame to me you're too afraid to dive into this. You look like two goldfish in a fishbowl, two goldfish who have the opportunity to swim into the ocean. And yet you stay in your fishbowl because it's more secure, it's comfy. It's not enough and you could swim al lot further, but you can't risk it because you're afraid of the unknown."  
"And what exactly can we be, Kate?"  
Kate looked at him right in the eyes. She paused and took a deep breath.  
"You two together can be…infinite. No boundaries to love, through space and time, you can be anywhere and everything all at the same time. You can move mountains, swim through the sea, the ocean even. You can touch the sun with the top of your fingers, you can lift the moon, you can count every dirt of sand in the world, you can breathe all the air in the world… You can be as one."  
Tony looked at her, amazed. He tried to picture it, and it sounded amazing. He really wanted that, he really wanted that for him and Ziva to happen, to be as one. But then he realized something.  
"It sounds wonderful Kate. But maybe…"  
She looked for his eyes, but couldn't find them anywhere, as he was gazing to the white gravel of the gardens. He couldn't finish his sentence.  
"You're wondering if you'll ever get the chance to tell her that. To tell her how you feel."  
Tony nodded sadly. She stood up.  
"Well, I guess it's up to you, now. You get to choose."  
"I do?"  
"Yes, you can still choose if you want to go back to her. She really wants you to, believe me, she's been waiting for you. Gibbs and the others are waiting for you too. They really believe you can make it back to them. Now it's getting late, you really must go if you want back. Please take care of them for me, cherish them every day and always. And don't forget to tell Ziva."  
She took a few steps back.  
"Wait Kate! What if I can't?"  
She walked down to him, giving him a death stare.  
"If you don't tell her how you feel, you'll have me to answer to!"

Then he suddenly felt a lacerating pain to his chest. He felt like he was moving, a lot. He was having convulsions maybe, or maybe someone was shocking him with a defibrillator. Did this mean he was in agony?  
"Wait! Stop! I want to get back to her! Don't make me leave!" But he was just yelling into the dark space again, the beautiful gardens had disappeared along with Kate. "Ziva! Wait for me babe, I'm coming back to you!" He tried to run, but he suddenly found out he couldn't breathe properly, and that his chest was hurting bad. He tried to touch it and he surprisingly found his hand covered in blood. "No! Please don't do this, please! Ziva wait for me!" he was having real trouble breathing now, he fell to his knees, and he just felt a fire in his chest, and all his body ached as if he had broken all his bones at once. "Ziva, I love you" Then it all went black.

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed Kate's appearance. Actually I lied. There is going to be a lot of Tiva in this story. But again, when it deals with Tony's struggle between life and death how am I supposed not getting Ziva and( their mutual feelings) involved? I promise I'll try not to make it sound too cheesy.  
Also I wanted to tell you if you ever come to visit Paris and you don't go to Versailles, you will have waisted a trip to Europe because it is really breathtaking.  
Next chapter coming up soon!_


	7. Chapter 7

**SPOILER ALERT: Big Tiva chapter over here. Ziva's thoughts this time (eheh). I'm not very happy with the flashback (the one from the previous night) part, but it's something I just thought of... I've been trying to rearrange it for the past few days, but I've come up with new ideas and with my exams in the way I don't have that much time to write.**

They had been waiting for hours now. Four, maybe five. The sun was up. They were both sitting in the waiting room, waiting for news about Tony. The double door had already opened three times, making their heads raise to the last shred of hope but immediately crushing it down as they would see it was just another nurse, just another patient.

Gibbs was going internally crazy. He'd never been the patient type. He wanted answers, he wanted updates and he wanted them now. He looked up and saw Ziva. She was rubbing her hand with her thumb, trying to get off the last traces of dry blood on her skin, those that didn't come off when she washed her hands. She looked exhausted, powerless. This sight reminded him a lot of her partner when he'd learnt she was dead. He stood up at sat by her side. She didn't look at him, she just kept doing what she was doing. He looked at her for what seemed like an eternity and finally, after four hours of silence he said:  
"Talk to me, Ziva"

She looked at him. All she'd been thinking about for the past hours was Tony. She memorized every last moment they'd spent together. She couldn't understand. Why was Tony trying to get to HER desk? Why hers and not his? Tony's last words to her were "I'm sorry". What was he sorry for?

She was in such shock she'd wiped away from her memory everything that happened before the tragedy. Then she remembered. The argument. They had an argument last night. She flashed back to yesterday evening.

_"We're headed to the bar, you coming Ziva?" Tony asks.  
"I guess not" she snaps "you stuck me with all my, yours and McGee's paperwork. I'll probably be here all night."  
Tony knows exactly that, he was the one who had assigned it. He just wants to piss her off a little, tease her. He doesn't want to be mean and he doesn't seriously expect her to do the paperwork actually. He just loves the feeling of superiority he has at this exact moment. Tony wasn't superior to Ziva in many ways, but he was glad he could at least tease her with work, tame her in some way. Tame the untamable.  
"Too bad" he says "I would have bought you a drink". Then he leaves with McGee, who is laughing at Ziva's situation.  
Ziva gives Tony a death stare when he leaves, mouthing him he can go to hell. Then she swears something to him in Hebrew. He doesn't speak the language or anything but he is pretty sure she is insulting him._

Ziva thought. It was really just a game, a little teasing between the two of them. Was it possible that Tony had left his last words to this little incident? Thinking back to this really upset her. She realized the last thing she'd told Tony was to go to hell, then she saw him practically dying in her arms. That hurt her, a lot. She thought she should have said something more to him, yesterday evening, this morning. She thought back to all the moments they'd shared. The countless conversations in the bathroom, the elevator rides, the cases…

_"Ziva David, do you really consider me to be 'in' your life?"_

_"Do you ever think about soul mates?"_

_"We have a lot in common in that respect"_

_"I'm tired of pretending"  
"So am I"_

_"You cannot expect someone to keep things bottled up inside forever, can you?"_

_"There is always another monster… I don't think I can take this anymore"_

_"If this is a pep talk I give you a D minus… I'm fine Ziva"  
"You are not fine, you are still deeply troubled"  
"Even if I was, this bothers you because…"  
"Because you are my partner"!_

_"You know, you did say the first woman I see. Technically I should ask YOU out."  
"You've had your chance Tony, many times."_

_ "Did you ever lie to someone you loved, Ziva?"  
"Yes."  
"Did they ever forgive you?"  
"They never found out…"_

_"Nothing is inevitable"_

_"Tony, . ?"  
"Uh…I couldn't live without you, I guess…"_

A tear rolled down Ziva's eye. Then of course there had been those hard, incredible last months.

_"Ziva, it's just a bad dream"  
"I'm fine Tony, really, I am."_

She wasn't and he knew it.

_"Just tell me what you need Ziva. A friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on."_

She couldn't believe how sweet he was to her. She really was moved by the attention.

_"Don't do this"  
… "At lo lavad"_

He really was trying to learn Hebrew. Ziva liked to think it was because of her, and it wasn't the first time he had spoken in Hebrew to her either.  
Then of course, there was Berlin.

_"Act like you're just with me…"_

And the car crash.

_"Then I shall catch her before she leaves… You know, and thank her"_

She kept staring into nothingness, rubbing madly her thumb on her hand. The damn blood wouldn't come off. She thought of all the things she told him, but also all the things she never told him. What had happened in Somalia, what they'd done to her. She never told him how much she enjoyed Paris, or Berlin. She never told him how glad she was to have him in her life, because he really was part of her life, part of her. She'd never told him how much she'd loved their undercover assignment, or how handsome he looked in a suit. She'd never told him how much he mattered, how he made her day every day just with a simple smile or a wink towards her. And now, more than ever, she realized how much had been left unsaid between them, unfinished. A thought stormed through her mind, the thought she might never get the chance to tell him all these things. She would be lost. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take it two years ago when Mike Franks died, but he was by her side then. Now he was slipping away slowly, it just ripped her heart, it was the last straw.

"Ziva…" Gibbs repeated as she didn't answer.  
"Gibbs…What if…What if I never get the chance to…"  
But her welling eyes let go all her pain at once. It was like a barrage on top of a waterfall that had suddenly broken, letting all the water down at once. Gibbs whipped off the tears from her cheeks with his thumb, and cupped her face into his both hands. He looked at her with the most open and sincere look Ziva had ever seen on his face. Gibbs was showing her a part of his soul.

"You will, Ziva. I promise you will. Tony's a fighter, he's not going down like this. He can't. He'll be answering to me if he doesn't listen to you."

Once again he knew perfectly what she was talking about, and it warmed her heart a little. She tried to smile, and right at that moment a surgeon walked towards them.

_A/N: Sorry if the quotes from the previous episodes are not exactly accurate, I wrote them by memory I didn't have time to verify them. review if you like the Tiva or if you think there is too much of it. Also I am wondering if I should write something about the mysterious man's thoughts and motives... what do you think? I think I'd like that but I'd like to know what's your opinion, or if you have any advice to give!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Here it is! Finally! I am so sorry for the delay, but I have my reasons. Sometimes there is more to life than fiction, so please don't be mad at me...  
In this chapter I was supposed to use many medical terms which I do not know yet, so please just bear with my english and all. I hope you'll understand anyway. The next few chapters also require knowledge about medical facilities and procedures in the US which I do not have, I am sorry if it's not as accurate and coherent as it should be.**

They both stood up when they saw the young, sweaty surgeon walk to them.  
"Agent Gibbs?" he asked holding his hand up to shake Gibbs's.  
"How is he?" he asked nodding.

The doctor indicated the chairs, so that they'd take a seat. He sat on the small wooden coffee table to face the two agents.  
"Agent DiNozzo suffered massive internal bleeding due to a stab wound to the chest, as I am sure you already know. We have also had a little trouble with him because he suffered three heart attacks. One when the paramedics' team found him at your HQ, one in the ambulance taking him here…". The doctor took a pause. All the stress and the fatigue after almost five hours of operating had got to him. He wiped off a drop of sweat that was falling down his forehead. Ziva was scared; she could barely breathe under this pressure. She found her hand on Gibbs' and squeezed it as hard as she could. He had to say something.

"Well, what about the…last one…?" Gibbs was afraid to ask, afraid to hear an answer he couldn't accept.  
"Unfortunately, agent DiNozzo's heart failed during the operation, less than an hour ago actually. It was a long operation, very difficult, as I said the internal damage was extensive, his lungs… Well they were already damaged by the Y-pestis, scarred. His right lung had been punctured by the tip of the blade and when he broke his rib, probably falling, splinters of bone flew all over the organs, but they didn't do any further damage. Except for one of them, which stung the pulmonary artery, causing massive internal bleeding. The bleeding got worse after the second reanimation and… and…" The good doctor took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away the big drops of sweat that pearled his forehead.  
Gibbs was going crazy, he had to know…

"Just tell me the news, doc!" he said angrily. He couldn't wait anymore. He took a quick look at Ziva and saw that she was about to faint from stress.

"What I am trying to tell you, agent Gibbs, is that your agent is alive"  
Gibbs and Ziva let out their breaths.  
"But?" Gibbs could sense there was a 'but'. There is always a but with doctors.  
"But…he has lost a lot of blood and he is not able to breathe by himself. Under the permission of dr. Brad I have decided to keep him under breathing assistance for…Well as long as necessary. He is in a coma now, the brain has been deprived of oxygen for too long. We're not sure if it's going to have some cerebral consequences, it's too soon to tell."

Gibbs was in shock. Ziva just stared at the doctor. His words echoed inside her head, but it was as if they didn't make sense. "Tony in a coma" she thought "Tony not able to breathe by himself… Impossible". She couldn't believe it, no.  
Gibbs bit his fist. He needed to punch something, or someone. Rage was lightning from his eyes. Tony couldn't die, could he?

"Do you think he's… gonna make it?" he stuttered.  
"I truly don't know, sir. Physically he really is between life and death at the moment. And the odds aren't in his favor. I…" he hesitated before breaking them the news. "I honestly don't know if he has any strength left to keep the combat going…". Then he noticed Ziva's empty look and added "But I think it also depends a lot on who he's leaving behind, and if he's willing to take the chance to keep going" he turned to Gibbs once again "to fight for them."

He told Gibbs so, looking right into his eyes. Not many people had the courage to look right into Leroy Jethro Gibbs' eyes, but Dr. Hollis did. Once he finished his last phrase he instinctively looked at Ziva. The poor girl seemed devastated. He had been told to say it in a nice way to the two agents, he had been told by Dr. Brad they were close to the patient, but truth was Agent DiNozzo had hardly any chances to survive his injuries, if not any at all. His poor body had suffered too much too long.

"When can we see him?" Ziva asked. It was the first thing she'd said since the kind doctor had come to them.

"For now you cannot. If…" he was about to say 'if he's still alive', but he thought better. "… If things go as planned, he will be transferred to ICU in a few hours, probably around 2.00 p.m. Then you can go see him one at a time. Normally visits hours end by 7 p.m., but considering he's a federal agent I can talk to my superiors so that you can stay overnight." He paused. "Is there any family members or siblings that should be informed?"

Gibbs and Ziva stared at each other. Yes, right, the others. Gibbs had already called Vance as soon as they had reached the hospital, and had told him he'd keep him posted. McGee was on a flight to Florida, but was supposed to land in half an hour. They hadn't called Abby, Ducky and Palmer yet, they had totally forgotten, too absorbed by their thoughts. Then there was Senior, of course, although Gibbs wasn't looking forward to making that phone call.

"We'll take care of informing Tony's family about the matter, Dr. Hollis… I mean, very special agent DiNozzo's family"

They then briefly shook hands and the doctor left.

_A/N: Someone asked if the other characters were going to come at some point. I will not spoil the surprise ;)_


	9. Chapter 9

**It is UUUUUP. I decided to post a new chapter for you, since I didn't do it in the past few days. This one is VERY emotional, about Gibbs and Tony. Kleenex are compulsory.**

Gibbs had called Abby and Ducky, but they had already been informed by the director about Tony's conditions. Unfortunately they had also been ordered to stay at work until their day was over. Criminals didn't take a break for a few days or hours. Tony's dad was "unreachable at the moment" according to the concierge of the hotel he was staying at in Montego Bay, Jamaica. This attitude had really pissed Gibbs off. At last he had called McGee when he was sure his plane had landed in Florida. Poor McGee had taken a week off to stay with his new girlfriend Delilah. As soon as he had learnt about the incident he said he would have taken the next flight back to assist them, and would probably be at the hospital the next morning.

Gibbs drank his fourth coffee of the day. It was almost 2 p.m. All of a sudden, a nurse materialized herself in front of him.

"Agent Gibbs, yes?" she asked with an Hispanic accent.

"Yes ma'am."

"You can see Agent DiNozzo now, he is in ICU. I will show you."

Ziva, who had been sleeping on a chair from the waiting room for a couple of hours, jumped up as she heard Tony's name. Gibbs and the nurse turned to her. She looked into Gibbs' eyes and had an eye conversation, in silence:  
_"I should see him first Ziva, he might be in bad shape…"  
"You think I can't handle this?"  
"I think you have been through a lot. Besides"_ he looked at the chair she was laying on "_you need some rest"  
_She sighted "_Fine. Only one of us can go anyways. I'll take over in a few hours, let me know if something happens"  
_He smiled, kissed her forehead and followed the nurse.

They reached a door. The nurse put her hand on the doorknob. With a quick movement she turned to Gibbs and said:

"Agent DiNozzo has been through a lot. It is probably going to be difficult for you. If you want to take a few minutes to…"  
"I really just want to see my agent" he snapped. They had been waiting 10 hours, he had prepared long enough. She looked at the doorknob and turned it. She let Gibbs enter the room.

Gibbs thought the Earth stood still for the next few seconds.

Not a lifetime could have prepared Gibbs to this vision. Tony was there, lying on a bed with his head and shoulders resting on several pillows. He had a tube down his throat and five electrodes on his chest, which had been shaved. He had a small receptor on his right middle finger and an IV and perfusion in the same arm. One provided him blood and the other one all the nutriments he needed until he could eat by himself. But right now, Tony could do nothing by himself, not even breathe.

The blinds were closed, so it took a little time for Gibbs to notice the small plastic chair in the corner of the room. He grabbed the chair after the few first seconds of shock and gently put it to Tony's bedside. He sat and took a few minutes to stare at Tony's calm and artificial breathing that made his chest go up and down with an amazing regularity. Gibbs saw a bandage on Tony's chest that started from the bottom of his pectorals and ended…Well, Gibbs didn't really know how large the bandage was, because it was mostly hidden by the white sheet over Tony, and he didn't dare to lift it.

Then he took a good look at Tony's face. He seemed totally relaxed, almost as if he were plunged in a wonderful dream. Gibbs could really think he might be sleeping, if it wasn't for the large white tube that disappeared into his agent's open mouth and kept him alive.

The nurse was still in the room, next to the doorframe.

"Is he in pain?" Gibbs asked in a barely audible voice.  
"No, he is not." She answered. Then she quietly closed the door, leaving.

Gibbs buried his face into his hands. This was all so real, he couldn't get his mind to admit it. Tony was dying; he might even be already dead. This man required too many machines to be considered alive. Gibbs felt his hands filling with tears. He couldn't take it, he couldn't lose Tony, he couldn't lose another son. He sobbed quietly still hiding his face to the motionless man for an indefinite period of time.

After a certain time Gibbs couldn't even estimate, he looked at him and grabbed his hand. It was frigid and pale and hard. It already felt like he was dead. Gibbs looked at Tony's intubated mouth, then at his closed eyes.

"Hey Tony" he whispered. "Uhm, you…" For one of the first time in his life, Leroy Jethro Gibbs felt really insecure. Nonetheless, he kept talking to Tony.  
"You remember what I told you, a few years back? I told you you wouldn't die. I thought I was going to lose you, back then. I'm telling you that again, Tony. Don't die, I don't want to lose you, son…" A tear rolled from Gibbs's eye, and he quickly wiped it away with the hand that wasn't holding Tony's. He kept going.  
"When I lost…" he paused to hold back his tears. "…my girls, I felt like I never quite had the chance to tell them goodbye."  
He looked down at their hands.  
"Now I feel this is my chance to say goodbye to you."  
He hoped, desperately hoped this was going to suffice for Tony to suddenly wake up and look at his deep green eyes smiling at him. But Tony still didn't move.  
"There are uh…many things I should have told you…before." Gibbs continued, struggling to find the right words. "Things which are…true but difficult to say…for me". He looked at Tony's face again.  
"You are an absolute pain in the ass, DiNozzo." He said "But you are also the most caring person I know. You have the ability to…recognize the good in everything and everyone, even in me." He paused, here was coming the harder part.  
"You are the best young agent I've ever worked with, and I am…"  
He paused once again to hold back a soft sob  
"…Truly honored to have had you by my side for twelve years. And I would be grateful if you let me at least twelve more years to get the chance to make it up to you for everything I have messed up with you in all this time: the plague, Mexico, Ziva…"  
Gibbs was about to break a rule. He's the one who has made the rules, he usually never breaks them. But DiNozzo was different.  
"I'm sorry. I feel like I failed you in every possible way. I just want you to know that…I'm very proud of you, Anthony."

He had called him Anthony only one time before, it was his way to express his pride for his son. Gibbs ran his hand over his face and gently squeezed Tony's hand. Still no response.  
The door opened, but he didn't turn around, as the much too familiar pace didn't surprise him at all.

"He's dying, doctor." He said, his eyes not leaving Tony.  
"I know." answered Doctor Mallard.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here is a talk between two friends. Well, more like a monologue of a friend trying to talk her friend back to life. Some of the team members are broken, others have to stay strong and be their anchor. Funny thing is, the strongest soldiers are never the ones you would expect to be.**

She gently knocked on the door, though she knew nobody was inside except for Tony. He had been left alone a few minutes so that the nurse would change his bandage. Gibbs had left the room with Ducky, who had prescribed him at least five hours of sleep, he was exhausted. When she had seen him she hugged him tightly. He obviously had cried, and if Gibbs cries you should cry too. Gibbs had told her how was Tony, and she had insisted on seeing him, alone. Gibbs was reluctant to the idea, but she needed some time with him. She hadn't seen him for a while now.

Gibbs had given her a pretty thorough description of the tubes and machineries that surrounded their common friend, so she wasn't that surprised when she saw him. However, she could feel the emptiness of his soul and tears began to run down her cheeks. She came closer to have a good look at him and sat on the chair which previously belonged to Gibbs. She reached for his hand and gently caressed it.  
"Hey Tony" she whispered in a soft voice "it's Abby."

Somehow, in Abby's magical world she had thought this would make him suddenly wake up, look at her and say "Hey Abbs! What's up beautiful?" like he always did. But he kept laying there, his chest going up and down as if she wasn't there.

"Your nurse, Rosita, she told me you might be able to hear me." she continued. "This is why I came to see you."

She looked at the tube coming out of Tony's mouth, and got scared for a couple of seconds. But she soon found back her composure.

"I hum… I came to tell you to fight. Fight Tony, because we really miss you."

She rubbed her eyes as tears threatened to escape from them.

"I… We have lost Kate, three years ago we thought we had lost Ziva… You know I can't bear the thought of seeing you leave in the morning not knowing if you'll ever be back. I hate it. It's the third thing I hate the most after: one, vegetarians who however eat chicken and two, mixing up the evidence."

Abby was still Abby, even during hard times. She had her priorities. She smiled a bit at that thought, and whished Tony had smiled too.

"The point is, Tony" she said "we need you here. Please come back. You have no idea how the family is right now."

She paused just to see if her friend would give her a sign of life, but still nothing. She sighed.

"Gibbs is…emotional. Can you picture Gibbs emotional? Too bad, I guess you'll just have to see him by yourself whenever you wake up."

She ran a hand through his hair. It was a mess; he would hate it that way.

"Ducky's taking care of him right now. The duckman's a rock, but I can see in his eyes he's worrying about you, I saw him talk to the hot surgeon who operated on you." She added.

"McGee is frustrated. He just came back from Florida a few hours ago. I guess he won't be spending his week at the beach with 'Delilah' after all." she said with a point of bitterness on the girl's name, smirking slightly. She was pretty jealous, and had no shame to cover it in front of Tony.

"Anyway" she continued "he feels really guilty about leaving you alone yesterday night. He keeps mumbling about all the things he could have done to prevent this. But I know you, and the kind of trouble you get involved in every time. There's clearly no way he could have helped it, right?"

She wasn't really expecting an answer on that one.

"He's with Ziva now, waiting to see you. And Ziva…"

Her face became dead serious all of a sudden.

"She's a wreck, Tony. She's put up her crazy ninja mossad assassin face and she wouldn't talk to me or McGee. She sometimes nods at Gibbs but that's it. Her eyes are all red and full of tears, and these are no tears of joy. It's really painful to see her like this, I have never seen her crying. But now she's not crying anymore, she's just sitting silently, staring into nothingness. It's really creepy, you know."

She looked at Tony's eyelids for a second, she thought they had slightly moved, but they were in semi-obscurity and couldn't really tell.

"She needs you Tony. If Gibbs, McGee, Ducky and I are not enough, at least come back for Ziva. She'll never get over it if you were to… You know"

Her voice broke in a quiet sob. She gently squeezed his hand and wiped off her tears.  
"And I couldn't get over it either. I miss you, Tony, I really do. I need someone to talk to when I can't stand McGee with other women, I need your mandatory movie nights where you manage to gather all of the family in the office and make us have a kick-ass time. I need you as the older brother you are to me, Tony…"

She stood up and let his hand go. Deep down she knew he had heard every word. He had in fact heard everything, and it hurt him that he was making the team suffer. He wanted to get up, hug Abby and tell her he was going to be fine soon, and that they'd have many more movie nights to share. He wanted to tell her she was the kid sister she'd never had and that it was going to be just fine. But he couldn't, because his damn body wouldn't work properly.

She walked to the door, and as she was to open it she turned around.

"I'm having the nuns pray for you, Tony. You'll be back soon, I know."  
_"That's very thoughtful of you Abbs, thank you."_ He wanted to say and grin at her. But he couldn't. He couldn't do a damn thing, he was just stuck in that broken body. But he knew he was going to do everything and anything to get back. He wished he could have smiled when the most famous catchphrase of the Terminator movies popped into his mind: _"I'll be back"._

_A/N: I had written it in Ziva's point of view, but then I took into account your reviews and decided to change it. I had to rewrite it entirely so that's why it took me so long. Sorry about that. Additionally I am writing another fanfic in Italian (a tiva fanfic) so I put this one on the backburner for a day. Now I'm getting back to it and it is ON! Newt chapter coming up this afternoon. What to expect? A talk between McGee and Ziva, 'cause a friend in need is a friend indeed._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter a bit shorter than usual, it happens, I wasn't really inspired. I didn't think to bring McGee back but then someone suggested to in the reviews, so I brought him back from florida. Hope you like it.**

McGee had been in the waiting room for less than an hour. He was frantically biting his nails, almost making his fingertips bleed. He was sitting in front of Ziva, and couldn't help but stare at the large stains of blood on her sleeves and shirt. Tony's blood. A vague feeling of self-contempt caught him to the throat, making him feel suffocating. He coughed slightly.

"How can you do that?" he finally asked to his friend.  
"Do what, McGee?" she asked, irritated.  
"Sit. You just sit and wait. I'm done with waiting, and I've only been here for an hour or so. You've been here all night and yet you seem so calm. How can you do it?"

Ziva looked into his colleague's eyes. Timothy had barely arrived at the airport in Florida when Gibbs had called him. He said something had happened to Tony, and that he should know. As soon as he had heard it, Tim knew he had to go back, he didn't even think about it. He didn't even explain to Delilah why he had to go back, he just did. And she followed him back. He hadn't almost talked to her on the plane on their way back. He was too upset. At first he was angry, but then he realized he had been the last person to see Tony well and alive, and that somehow gave him the blame for what had happened next. He had rushed directly to the hospital as soon as he arrived, leaving Delilah at the airport with a pocketful of confused apologies. Then he had arrived and he had found Ziva with her ninja face on, and Gibbs on the verge of crying. And that was too much for him to take. He wanted to see Tony be fine, but when Gibbs told him he was all but fine guilt just started to eat him up inside. Now he was staring at the person who most likely cared the most about the injured friend, he could see she was just as hurt and broken as he was.

"I have no more tears to cry" she answered simply.

McGee felt embarrassed. Of course, it was Ziva, and her and Tony had always had some sort of a-bit-more-than-friends relationship. He couldn't imagine what she was going through; he didn't want her to think she was not being sensitive.

"I'm sorry Ziva" he said shyly.

"Do not be." She said in a dry voice. He had nothing to apologize for, but she was still too absorbed in her thoughts to pay attention to the apology as much as she should have. She was too absent minded to see that Tim was feeling terribly guilty for what happened to Tony.

"But I should be. If I had left the bar with him, yesterday night, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I would have been able to save his life, Ziva…"

He covered his face to hide the tears that were running on his cheeks. Ziva was suddenly brought back to reality at the sight of Tim's pain. She leaned forward and reached for his hand. She tapped it gently.

"There is nothing you could have done to prevent what happened, McGee. None of us could have done anything more for Tony."

She wasn't quite sure she believed what she was saying. However, she knew she had to be strong for McGee at that very moment. He was the youngest agent and he was still very sensitive while confronted to pain and death. As for her, she had lost more than a partner in her previous line of work, but Tony wasn't just any partner. And she knew it wasn't any partner for McGee either, it was his mentor (along with Gibbs, obviously), which made him even more vulnerable.

"You do not have to blame yourself, Tim." She continued "This is already hard enough on us, you blaming yourself for this is just… ice-cream on the cake"

"Icing, icing on the cake" he corrected her automatically. A small smile managed to appear on his lips, thinking of the idiomatic mistake.

She smiled back. She'd done it on purpose, this time.

"I can't help it, Ziva. I keep thinking about last night. I was just too busy thinking about Delilah, and he was trying to tell me something about her, and I shut him out. I didn't pay attention to him, and now he's…"

"He is not!" she interrupted him. "He is just…lost. It is our job to show him the way back to us."

He squeezed gently her hands. She was happy to bring a bit of relieve into Tim's heart. She needed it too. Somehow, this talk had helped both of them, because she realized she could have done nothing more for Tony either, and that he would be back soon. She had convinced herself too with her soothing words. And now, a new shred of hope sparkled into her chest. Yes, he was going to be fine. They all were. And when Tony would wake up, she would have told him, right away that she wouldn't have been able to make it without him. . 'Life is too short to leave important words unsaid'. Someone had told her that once: her father.

Tim smiled at her again.

"I just wish I had valued more Tony's presence, you know, now that it's not granted anymore. I never thought in my everyday life he meant so much to me."  
"Neither did I." she whispered, almost to herself.

_A/N: I have written the final chapters, your mind is totally going to be BLOWN in two chapters or so._  
_The mysterious man is going to be revealed in chapter 14! Drumrolls better start_


	12. Chapter 12

**Here! I've had some trouble with my internet connection, but it came back today. :)  
This chapter was REALLY difficult to write, it's different from the others. I think you'll find the good news you're all waiting for! Enjoy =)**

One week had gone by since Tony had been stabbed. Abby, McGee, Ducky and Jimmy had to go back to work, but Abby and McGee would pay Tony a visit every day. They had opened an investigation on the stabbing and had a list of suspects, but as a matter of fact they had really little material to work on, due to the odd circumstances in which Ziva had found Tony. Ducky came to visit him with Jimmy a couple of times, however he mostly supported Gibbs rather than really staying at Tony's bedside. Even Vance came once to visit his injured agent.

As for Ziva and Gibbs, they had stayed in the whole week, taking six-hour shift in Tony's room and leaving him alone only when doctors and nurses needed to take care of him. When Ziva was in with Tony, she mostly talked to him, or sang lullabies to him in Hebrew, or prayed God that he would be all right. When Gibbs was in, he only held Tony's hand and looked at him, silently, waiting for him to wake up.

After five days, Tony's condition had radically improved, allowing him to have only a small oxygen tube that went under his nose and around his ears to breathe, he could almost do it by himself. Two of the machines that helped Tony survive had consequently disappeared; giving team-Gibbs all the hope they needed to carry on with their routines. The doctors were amazed with the progress Tony's body had made, and they expected a full recovery very soon. The team was obviously very pleased to hear the good news. However, two days later Tony still hadn't given a sign of waking yet, and this irritated a bit Gibbs. He started to doubt the doctors' honesty about the perspective of Tony's recovery.

That day, Gibbs had been with Tony the whole afternoon. He was holding his hand in the semi-obscurity of the room as usual; looking at Tony's closed eyelids. Suddenly, something happened that made Gibbs jump out of his chair: he had felt a pressure from Tony's hand. He was absolutely sure it was real, but he didn't know what it meant. He leaned over Tony and whispered to his ear:

"Tony, are you listening?"

Tony squeezed Gibbs's hand even harder this time, and a huge grin appeared on Gibbs's face.

_Meanwhile in Tony's world.  
_Tony had listened to each and every word that people had been saying, whispering and crying to him in the past week. That day, he knew Gibbs was in the room with him. He recognized the callous hand and the familiar silence that fluttered in the atmosphere. Suddenly a strong pain had caught him to the chest. He wasn't swimming in the empty dark space anymore, weightless and careless. He had been brought back to reality as brutally as he had been thrown in that soothing environment. He could now sense he was lying down on a bed, a rather uncomfortable bed actually. He felt he had some needles in his arm, which made him want to tear them off. He had hated needles from the moment he had been turned into a pincushion several years before, when he had had the plague. He couldn't stand them under his skin and felt the urge to take them out.

This urge made him close his fist, and he felt Gibbs freak out next to him. He knew Gibbs knew he was awake. He wanted to open his eyes and hug him, and thank him for all the things he had said on his first visit. However, he didn't feel he was ready to open his eyes just yet.

"Tony, are you listening?"

He hadn't heard Gibbs's voice in a very long time, too long. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious, but he felt like it had been an eternity since he had seen the team, had a walked or had some pizza. Yes, he really felt like eating pizza at the moment. Anyway, he squeezed his boss's hand to approve, and could simply feel how much Gibbs was happy.

"Can you open your eyes?" Gibbs had then asked.

Tony wasn't sure how to do it, but after a little time (maybe a minute? He couldn't exactly tell) he slightly lifted his eyelids.

Gibbs could not hold back a gasp of joy when he saw his agent weakly open his tired green eyes.

"Hi boss" he had whispered in a fragile, cranky voice that didn't sound at all like his, but Gibbs was too happy to notice it. He smiled even wider (if it was even possible for Gibbs) and said:

"I've never been happier to hear you speak, Tony"

Gibbs gently squeezed his hand to point him out the joke. Tony closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them back, managing to open them almost completely. He started to look around him, noticing he had never seen this room in his life and yet it looked familiar.

"I'm at the hospital…?"  
"Yes…"  
"What happened?"

Gibbs suddenly got scared. The doctors had mentioned some possible brain damage due to the lack of oxygen Tony had suffered when his lungs collapsed and during the heart attacks. He tried to stay calm and not sound too surprised when he asked:  
"You don't remember…?"

Tony took a few seconds to gather his memories.  
"I was… Out for a drink with McGee… He left for Florida…"  
"Yeah, he's back here in DC now. As soon as I called him to inform him about what happened he cancelled his vacation and came back here to investigate."  
"I know…" Tony said.

Gibbs looked surprised.  
"You know?"  
"Yes, Abby told me." Tony answered simply, his chest began to hurt more. Maybe the effect of the painkillers were starting to fade.  
"You spoke to Abby?" Gibbs asked.  
"No, boss…She spoke to me…"

Gibbs smiled but then realized something. He put on a serious look.  
"So this means you even hear me when…"  
"Yes." Tony cut off " and I want to thank you…". He took a couple of deep breaths. "I couldn't have done it without all of you guys…"

Gibbs could fill his eyes welling, but he held back his tears, or at least he tried to.  
"Well, you really had me scared of a while, kid." He said, caressing Tony's head like a father. Tony smiled at him. They didn't need to talk about it any further, they already understood each other perfectly, and their mutual respect and affection didn't need to be put into words.

"How long have I been like this?" Tony asked quietly.  
"A week."

Tony was surprised. After a few moments of silence, Gibbs spoke.  
"What's the last thing you remember, Tony?"  
Tony hesitated before answering. His mind was fuzzy, and his chest was painful for each breath.  
"I remember a man at my apartment… but I can't remember who… We fought… Then I drove to the Navy Yard and… went to the bullpen… but I can't remember why… Sorry boss."  
Tony was getting tired and he was having a little trouble breathing. Recalling all these details demanded an effort his body was not ready to provide yet. Gibbs saw the pain in Tony's eyes, so he patted his cheek softly.

"Tony, are you in pain?" Gibbs asked, worried. He reached for the button that would automatically send some painkillers to his IV, but Tony stopped him.  
"No, please…" he said, with an expression on his face that meant the opposite.  
"Tony don't play the hero, you need this…"  
"I can't get focused if I'm high…How am I supposed to remember anything if…"  
"Hey" Gibbs said softly but firmly cutting him off "it's ok if you can't remember…"  
"But I want to…It's important…" he whined.  
Gibbs looked at his SFA and didn't say anything. He knew Tony had to take the painkillers because otherwise he would suffer a lot, but he also knew his attempted murderer was way ahead of them and Tony remembering the identity of the mysterious man could help them an awful lot in their investigation. The sight of Tony's face in pain broke Gibbs's heart; however, Tony was a grown man and could take his own decisions.

"Tony, you really should take the painkillers"  
Tony tried to avoid his boss's look. He didn't want to argue with him, and his chest was almost unbearably painful, but he wanted to remember what had happened that night at all costs. He could sense that someone's life depended on it, but it was just a feeling, no memories. Tony shook his head to Gibbs.  
"Damn DiNozzo, as stubborn as ever!" he gave him a head slap.

This made Tony smile, but it also triggered a memory inside his brain. He immediately became serious.

"I remember…The bullpen…Ziva!" he yelled, trying to get up, but he was too weak and fell back on the bed.  
"Easy there! She's ok, Tony." Gibbs smiled.  
"But I saw… her hands covered in blood…"  
"It was yours."  
"Mine? She…saved me." He stated, almost in disbelief.  
Gibbs nodded.  
"I…I'd like to see her boss, now."  
He suddenly remembered his last few words with Kate, that popped into his mind. He added:  
"There's something I need to tell her."

Gibbs understood and was pleased to hear it. Maybe the two partners-and-friends-and-maybe-even-more were finally going to be honest with each other. Of course that was against the rule and it was something they would need to work on, but he was happy nonetheless.

"As soon as Dr. Hollis checks you out, I'll send her to you."  
"Thanks…boss" Tony had some trouble speaking because his breathing caused him so much pain.  
Gibbs was taken by compassion and softly kissed Tony's forehead. He pressed a button and waited for the nurse to arrive. When Rosita came in, she greeted Tony and was genuinely happy that he had woken up. Gibbs silently left the room, smiling confidently at DiNozzo while closing the door.

_A/N: What to expect in the next chapter:  
*Ziva suddenly realizes something that will change everything (and this might give you an additional hint on whoever the mysterious man might be or not be)_  
_*Ziva visits Tony  
*Tears :'(_


	13. Chapter 13

**This is the longest chapter so far. It is very intense and I think you should take a few moments before you read, to relax and enjoy the story you have read so far because this is a twist. I had written the dialogue between Tony and Ziva, which was really hard to write because they are both so messed up at this point. Please review!**

Ziva was in the hallway, waiting for Gibbs to come out of Tony's room and have her shift. It was really tiring for both of them but she knew it was worth it. Tony would have done the same for them. She saw Dr. Hollis walk by her, so she stopped daydreaming and greeted him.  
"Hello doctor."  
"Hello Agent David"  
Dr. Hollis knew by then the names of all of DiNozzo's friends. He had spoken to Gibbs several times and a few times to Ziva too.  
"Did you already check on Tony today? How is he?" she inquired.  
"I haven't yet, but I will when Agent Gibbs is done with him. He is responding very well to the surgery and to the treatments we have given him so far, and it should really be a matter of days before he wakes up. Maybe even hours. I believe he'll have a full recovery, which is quite impressive for a man his age."  
Ziva chuckled. Tony would have certainly protested about the doctor's last comment. He was always very sensitive about getting old. The doctor added:  
"But then again, I had never seen this kind of stab wound."  
Ziva frowned.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, usually when people get stabbed, the knife is introduced in a perpendicular trajectory to the body, allowing the blade to cut deeper into the flesh. However, Agent DiNozzo's wound was not as I have described it. Someone had cut through the lower ribs, through the stomach but then went up, cracking the ribs and avoiding every vital artery in the chest. Then they slightly scratched the lung from the inside with the tip of the blade, damaging the lung. Then the damage extended itself when he fell and broke several ribs, as you already know. But I believe he could have survived much longer if he hadn't fal…"  
The doctor stopped talking as Ziva had stormed away while he was talking. How rude of her. But then he realized maybe the description of the injury her friend sustained was a bit too figurative.

Ziva had run away, disgusted, when she had heard the doctor's words. She couldn't understand how she could have been so stupid not to figure this out earlier. It must have been the initial shock that prevented her from recognizing the very peculiar stab wound. Of course, how could she have forgotten the characteristic wrist gesture to inflict this injury to a victim, to plunge someone in excruciating pain and make them die slowly, giving them enough time to spit out their last secrets? Someone had unsed on Tony a torture technique commonly used…by mossad.

It all made sense to Ziva, now. A mossad officer, probably a damn skilled one too, had gone to Tony and had confronted him. Tony had lost. But what did this mossad agent want from him? Anything related to mossad should have come to her, not to him. Then a terrible realization dawned on her. It was her fault. Mossad wanted something from her and they had gone after Tony. It was all her fault, again.

Ziva thought back of all the things that had been her fault. She started from the very beginning. _That hot Sunday of june, when she was only fourteen, she had sent Tali to the market. She was supposed to go to the market, but she had preferred to stay with Ari: they were training to become mossad officers and had to become familiar with all sorts of weapons. That morning, they were trying to handle knives and other blades. Then they heard a terrible sound, the sound of a bomb exploding. They ran out of the house and saw a huge ball of fire coming up from what used to be the market just a few moments before. Tali had gone to the market. Their sister was dead because Ziva had sent her to the market in her place. _

A tear rolled down Ziva's cheek. Another memory emerged.

_Washington DC, eight years ago. Ari was completely crazy and had gone after a federal agency, NCIS. Eli had ordered Ziva to take him down when the time was right so that she would earn a certain Agent Gibbs' trust. She didn't want to do it. Ari was her brother. However, she did it and entered Gibbs' team. At that time, his team was a wreck; they had just lost an agent, Kate, who had been killed by her brother. Had she killed him earlier, Kate might have survived and those people she was now bound to work with would not be so heartbroken. It hurt her to know that her new friends had lost a loved one because of her. It also hurt her to know she had murdered her own brother for Mossad, which meant for their father. She felt like a monster._

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she sat on the bathroom floor of the hospital. It had always been her fault. She had been responsible for her family's death. But she wasn't done with the inventory of her past failures.

_Two years after that, Tony and her had escorted Jenny to L.A. If she had followed her instincts instead of listening to Tony, they would have found the director much sooner and would have certainly saved her. But Jenny was dead, and it was her fault, she hadn't been able to protect her._

_Then there was the Rivkin incident. She had had the brilliant idea to start dating her longtime friend Michael, right when he had decided to become a murderer. And what did this lead to? A person she cared very much about was dead, she hated the man she truly loved, she went back to her country and left all the people and things she ever loved behind. Tony had jeopardized his job at NCIS to save her ass._

_Then she had almost died when she had been kept captive in the desert, and had everyone believe she was dead. Tony and McGee had risked their lives by trying to avenge her, which was not a smart move either._

_She had dated a CIA agent who had turned into a murderer as well, and had killed an innocent woman._

_And then, of course, she had survived the shootout at Vance's house. She had left only a few seconds before the gunshots, only because she had thrown a tantrum at her father. Her father had died and she did not even had had the time to apologize to him. Furthermore, Jackie Vance had died. It was too much for her to take, leaving two orphans behind. Vance was crushed. If she had stayed in the house, right on her spot, she would have been the only one hit, and would have prevented two people she deeply cared about from dying._

_Then, only a few weeks ago, Tony and her had almost lost their lives in a car crash which was actually for her. She had jeopardized his life once more because of her ties with mossad. _

Now, Tony had been stabbed by a mossad officer and she could only assume that it was her fault, once more. For some reason, almost every time someone on the team was hurt it was because of her and her relation to the Israeli agency. But that was enough. This curse had to end once and for all, she could not risk to lose more people she cared about because of her past. It had to end at once. She had to leave, and hopefully everything would be better for her new family. She had already lost her biological family; she couldn't afford to lose them too. It would probably be best for them, difficult for her, but best for them.

She stood up and sniffed, trying to regain composure. She washed her hands and walked out of the ladies room. She almost bumped into Gibbs as she did so. He had a huge smile on his face, and it was odd considering that he had been very stressed out and emotional the whole week.

"Tony's awake, Ziva." He said hugging her. "He's been asking for you. He wouldn't take his painkillers, can you try to talk him into it?"

Ziva smiled but she didn't say anything. She was truly happy but she had also just determined herself she would leave Gibbs, Tony, Abby and the others to keep them out of trouble. At that moment, Gibbs noticed she had been crying, her red eyes and the tear tracks on her cheeks did not lie.

"Ziva, what's going on?" he asked softly, rubbing his thumb on her cheek.

How could she break the news to him? How would he react? There was only one way to find out.

"The person who hurt Tony is mossad." She said bluntly.  
"Are you sure?" he asked. He didn't want to know how she knew, he trusted her.  
"Yes."  
Gibbs stood silent, staring at Ziva, waiting for her to elaborate her thoughts.  
"They were mossad, which means they were there for me. It's my fault, Gibbs. It's my fault again."  
"yeah, so what're you gonna do about it, Ziva?" he asked in a provocative way. Little did he know what she was about to say.  
"I have to protect you, Gibbs, all of you. This thing cannot go one any longer, and people I care about cannot keep dying on me."

"I just told you, Tony is not dead."

"And I just told you, I bring nothing to the family but death and pain. I need to leave."  
She turned around and started walking. Gibbs was in shock, but he grabbed her wrist tightly. She turned around immediately, but she avoided his icy look.

"Where do you think you are going?"  
"Rule eleven"  
"Your job is not done." He retorted.  
"I believe it is." She said dryly.  
"DiNozzo is still expecting you in his room." He said.  
Ziva looked at her feet. Could she really walk out of his life without an explanation? No, it was best if she did say something to him.  
"I will talk to him. I owe him that much." she stated.  
Gibbs nodded.  
"I will go back to the office to brief McGee with the new information Tony gave me. You stay with him until you tell him whatever it is you need to tell him."

He gave her a quick soft kiss on the temple and whispered:  
"Come back as soon as you cleared your mind. I still need you and so do Tony and McGee."

He then let go her wrist and walked away. Ziva was confused. Did Gibbs understand what she had tried to tell him? She didn't intend to come back. But Gibbs was right about one thing though: Tony had the right to hear it from her.

She walked to Tony's door and put her hand on the knob. She took a couple of deep breaths and opened the door. She did not expect to see what she was looking at.  
"We gave him a few painkillers, he didn't want to but he really was in great pain." Rosita the nurse told her.  
Ziva didn't answer, she had to process the information in her mind. The nurse added:  
"He had a strange reaction and fell asleep almost instantly. He will probably wake up in a few hours. You can wait with him if you want to."  
"Thank you" Ziva said nodding as she entered the room.

Tony woke up some time later. Thirty-six hours later. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see an empty chair on his bedside. He sighed painfully, thinking he had already been forgotten, when all of a sudden he heard a much too familiar voice and saw someone come out of the shadow of the room.

"Hello Tony"  
He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when he heard Ziva's voice.  
"Ziva" he whispered, holding out his hand so that she would take it. After a few seconds of hesitation, she stepped forward and took it, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
"Hey sleepy head" she said, trying to smile. She knew far too well what she had to tell him. So did he.  
"How long have I been out?"  
"Thirty-six hours, almost. Gibbs has had time to bring you a change of clothes." she responded while indicating some clothes folded on a chair..  
He took a couple of deep breaths and tried to lift himself up a bit in the bed. A lacerating pain triggered instantly from his stab wound to the upper part of his lung. He fell back on the stash of pillows, groaning in pain. Ziva noticed, and gently caressed his sandy hair.  
"Gibbs tells me you do not want to take painkillers…"  
"Yeah, well he's telling you right" he said a bit irritated.  
"Why?"  
"Because it makes me sleepy and unfocused. Do I need to remind you I just slept 36 hours straight?"  
Talking so much hurt his chest. He talked more slowly, measuring the volume of air his lungs could contain and the volume he needed to speak. "The painkillers make me sleep"  
"You can restrain for a few hours, Tony, but the pain will be unbearable…"  
He interrupted her.  
"It only hurts if you let it" he said making a painful face he tried to turn into a smirk when he realized these were her exact words from a few weeks back when she had broken her shoulder in the car crash.

He intertwined their fingers and they stood silent for a while, neither of them knew how to tell the other what they had to say. He started:  
"Ziva, there's something I need to tell you"  
"I need to tell you something as well, Tony. And I think it might be better for both of us if I go first."  
He smiled slightly at her and nodded, thinking she was going to tell him she was in love with him.  
"The person who did this to you is mossad." She said tonelessly.  
"It's possible I can't remember who he is. Did you get him?"  
"Not yet. I do not know who he is, but I recognized the injury. It is a…" she paused for a second "common technique we use in Israel to make someone die slowly and painfully, very slowly."  
They looked into each other's eyes for the first time since Tony had opened them in Ziva's presence, though his emerald eyes had never left her.  
"Yes, he is mossad, so what?"  
Ziva was on the verge of crying. Why was that so difficult?  
"What I'm trying to say Tony is…I need to leave. For the time being, I cannot stay with you"  
He looked at her in shock.

"What do you mean you can't stay… with me?"  
"Not only with you Tony. Also with Gibbs, Abby, Tim…" she looked down. She couldn't stand the sight of Tony looking desperately at her, waiting for her to tell him this is a joke. It was no joke.  
"What? But… Why?" he couldn't understand a thing, he felt disorientated. His chest started to ache more, but he wasn't sure if it was for the stab wound or for what Ziva was telling him.  
"I have lost too many people I loved, Tony. Too many people I cared about were taken away from me. By mossad and by others. Now, I almost lost you…"  
Her voice broke into a quiet sob. He was tetanized, he couldn't say a thing. She kept on:  
"Somehow, every time I get close to someone, they die on me. I can't let that happen to you, you are my family."

Tony finally found his voice back. His heart beat went up at an alarming rate, but it was nothing clinical, just the anguish of Ziva leaving him. Leaving them.  
"Come on, you know that's just not true" he whispered, trying to find more air his lungs had trouble absorbing. She stood up and let go his hand. She faced the wall, so that he wouldn't see the tears striping her cheeks. But then she turned around.  
"Can't you see how I am? I am poison to you!" she yelled, not even trying to hold back her tears anymore.  
"Ziva, please…"  
He was angry at her. Angry because she said things that didn't make sense to him. He was also scared to lose her. But he couldn't put that into words because it was far too painful to speak at this point. He was panting as he felt there was no more air in the room. She continued:  
"People get hurt because of me, because of what I did an what I have been. It should have been me who was stabbed, not you!" she shook her head "I cannot protect you all. I failed. I failed you Tony. The only way I can make sure you are safe is by leaving, and hoping the trouble will come along with me. Goodbye Tony." She turned around and grabbed her bag.

"Ziva stop! This is crazy!" he shouted, but the pain was too intense. He tried to get up and pain reminded him vividly the memory of his healing injury. He groaned loudly, taking his hand to his wound. Not managing to get up, he fell hard on the matrass. He had no more energy. His heart beat went crazy, and the alarms on the machines went off all at once. Tony could only feel his head spin, his chest was killing him.  
"Please… Please…" he begged repeatedly, crying softly. He didn't even know why he was crying.  
He was having hyperventilation. But his eyes didn't leave Ziva's.

"Don't…Go…" he muttered only instants before the army of nurses and doctors stormed into the room, putting an oxygen mask over his sweaty mouth and nose. He was just about to faint when he saw Ziva go to the door, turn back and say:  
"I am sorry Tony" she said looking him into the eyes.  
She had the most sorrowful, pitiful, desperate look he had ever seen on the beautiful face. Tony closed his eyes, fainting, and a single tear escaped from his left eye.

Ziva closed the door and literally ran out of the hospital, crying. By the time she was in the street she threw up against the wall, too disgusted of what she had just told Tony. It was true, she was a threat to them. But she could see in Tony's eyes that he was desperately heartbroken. _"He is never going to forgive me"_ she thought. She walked a couple of blocks down the street and called a cab. She hopped in and the cabby asked:  
"Where to, miss?"  
She thought about it for a few seconds and then answered:  
"Anywhere. Just drive."

_AN: Wow, right? Bet you didn't see that coming eheheh :P  
So tony is really pissed at Ziva for leaving. Now you know the mystery man is Mossad! Any ideas on who he might be? :)  
What to expect in next chapter:  
aaaaaaaaah surprise :)_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I have a few things to say. First of all, I am so so so sorry I haven't updated in AGES. mY life has been quite crazy lately, so please accept my apologies. I was so determined to post this chapter today, since my schedules are a bit less buy (well, yesterday really, since it is 1.20 am in France), but I promised my kid brother I would watch Ted with him so I only had time to write this now. Please don't be mad at me.**

**Secondly, I felt so weired that one week after I published chapter 13, Cote de Pablo decided to leave, just like in my story. I feel like a psychich, but whatever. I was really disappointed because Ziva's definitely the character I look up to on the show, and I will deeply miss her. Of course, this means no more Tiva, and I'll miss that too. I'm not sure if NCIS will still be the best after this. I mean, it will still be a kickass show, but without Ziva it's not the same. **

**Thirdly (is it even a word? Idk, I'm far too tired to write something meaningful in english right now), THIS IS IT! And the mysterious man is...tantantantaaaaaaaaan! Guess you'll have to read this chapter to find out! :) enjoy, and feel free to review. It's not the best chapter I've wrote, but I hope you'll like it anyways. **

He ran impatiently a hand through his thick, greasy hair. What on earth could take her so long? He paced nervously into the apartment, but it didn't look familiar to him. It was not the one he had lived in for a few weeks. He remembered the old one had 'accidentally' blown up. He smiled at himself in content: yes, that had been one of the finest jobs he had ever done.

Tired of waiting, he walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He turned around and saw a collection of pictures on the fridge, memories of various events: birthdays, Christmas, a concert, thanksgiving… They all had one perfect smile in common: Ziva's.

He had secretly hoped there was one of the two of them together, but he didn't expect one to be there. He was almost sure she was trying to repress the memories of him. He had really been a jerk to Ziva luring her into the belief that he was in love with her, that she mattered to him. Making her choose between her trust to him or to her longtime partner. And she had chosen wrong, her loss. He didn't feel any regrets: that had been the plan all along . He knew she was broken inside. She had been since that precious night, the night he had 'died'. All her happy little life had crumbled down on her and in no time she had found herself to be living through hell: Somalia. He could never have thanked Eli enough for sending Ziva instead of him to Somalia. Not that he was afraid, but he had been spared the pain and suffering she had been through for so long, not to mention the tremendously slow healing both physical and mental that followed.

And there he was, standing in the apartment of the woman he had broken, whose heart he had crushed with his own hands, the same hands that had run over her naked body so many times, holding her passionately like a lover. Yes, like a lover, that was the word. Because a lover he was not.

If he had a mission he should pursue it until the end, no matter how many lives it would take, including his. That mission a few years back was his only purpose, and now he had another one.  
A few months ago, Eli David had died on American soil. He had come to visit his only living child, Ziva. He was seeking for her forgiveness, but that was not the only purpose of his visit (when could Eli be able to tell apart family and work nobody would ever find out). That night, before exiting the car he had left an envelope for his daughter. It contained a flash-drive and a short note, in which he invited her to open the flash-drive and do the wisest thing about it. She had done as told, considering it was her father's last expectation from her, and had found out all sorts of military secrets about Israel. The flash-drive contained basically nuclear weapon codes, names of spies that had infiltrated in foreign countries and governments, details from black ops mossad had run for the Israeli government, treaties and pacts between Israelis and Palestinians, among many other things. If the flash-drive were to be into the wrong hands, this could lead likely to the end of the State of Israel, and possibly to a world war.

Ziva had obviously kept it as a secret, hiding the key in plain sight, in the bottom drawer of her desk into a small red box. She probably should have destroyed it, but then what was her father's purpose in giving it to her? She did not know.

Anyway, as soon as Orli had been put in charge of the direction of mossad, she ran through the archives and saw all the information had been copied on an external support. She had connected the dots and had decided that, for the best interest of Israel and Mossad, the flash-drive had to be destroyed and anyone who had opened it should be taken care of.

She had assigned the mission to him, knowing he wouldn't budge: he was the man for the job, and doubtlessly the best officer she had, if anyone could take Ziva down it was him.

That's why he had flown to the States, a few weeks back. He had started to spy on Ziva, check her daily routine, the places she frequented, the people she went out with, trying to figure out an angle from which he could attack her. During his research he noticed the omnipresence of Special Agent DiNozzo. At first he wasn't sure about how to use this huge weakness of Ziva's. Finally, he had elaborated a plan, allowing him to kill DiNozzo and get him out of the picture, kill her, and get his hands on the flash-drive he could probably destroy in front of Orli.

Unfortunately for him, his plan failed, as DiNozzo had been too weak to bring him back the item, but strong enough not to die from his wounds. _"That son of a bitch manages to screw up my plans even when he is between life and death",_ Michael had thought at first. But then he realized something: since the whole team was at the hospital at Tony's bedside, nobody in the NCIS office would recognize him, since they were the only ones who had ever seen him. He had managed to sneak inside, dressed as a mailman, and took the item from the drawer. Now, he had only one more thing to do. He knew Tony wasn't dead, but killing him was only a personal bonus, a little payback for that one night. Now, he had to make sure Ziva would keep her country's secrets for eternity, and there was only one way to do so. He knew about Gibbs's stupid rule "The best way to keep a secret: keep it to yourself". But he also knew the end of the sentence: "The second best is to tell one person, if you must". He couldn't take the chance of that to happen, Ziva had to go down.

_"Too bad Tony will be in no shape to prevent it, this time"_ he thought. Just as the thought popped into his head, he heard the keys turn into the lock and the door open slowly, cringing.  
_"Finally"_ Michael Rivkin thought _"she's home"_.

_A/N: sooooo, what d'ya think? This is almost the end.  
Thank you so much to all the lovely people who are reading this, and reviewing and stuff. You rock :)_


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: In this chapter there might be a few more mistakes than usual, sorry about that. I am so tired it's really hard to focus on my english right now. But I have to write otherwise I'll never finish this story!**

Ziva went inside the apartment. She was still pretty shaken up. She had had the cab drive her through the whole city. After hours of meaningless wandering, she had decided to head home, paying a small fortune for the cab ride. She had come in and thrown the keys on the coffee table. She had walked to the living room and had stopped in front of a dresser. She had slowly bent down and opened it, looking for something very special. After a few seconds of searching she had found it. It was a frame, with a picture of two people inside. On the left was a man, late thirties, brown sandy hair and emerald eyes. He was doing a pathetic smirk (which she thought was very sexy, of course it was the DiNozzo smirk) and looking at her. She was looking back at him, and was throwing him a 'loud look' as their co-workers liked to call them. They both were wearing a party hat, it was a picture Abby had taken a few years back on her birthday. In fact, if she looked closely, she could see on the background some typical goth decorations. She smiled at the happy memory, but was very nostalgic when she realized she had to leave all of this behind her. She put the frame on top of the dresser and looked at it for a few seconds. Then she raised her gaze and saw the reflection of someone in the mirror, standing at the other side of the room. It was the reflection of a ghost.

Michael shot her a huge grin when he realized he had been noticed.

"Shalom, Ziva" he said as if it was totally normal for him to stand there like an idiot, arms folded on his chest, leaning against the door.

"…Michael?" she asked in disbelief. Yes, he had changed a bit, he had cut his hair and his once black beard was now greyish in some points. Maybe ghosts aged too? "What brings you here?"

She was still taking to the reflection in the mirror, not daring to turn around and face her one time lover.

"So, you thought I was dead and you don't even ask how I am alive, safe and sound, you just ask why I'm here?" he asked a bit disappointed.  
"Maybe it is because I do not care of anything about you" she stated simply.  
She didn't want to know how he was there, but one thing she was sure of was that he was indeed in her apartment. And she did not like it, she wanted him gone.

"What if I told you anyways, Ziva?"  
"I guess I would listen and pretend I give a shit. " she said.

Rivkin smiled. Ah, good old Ziva, she would never change. He started to pace around the room slowly, never leaving Ziva out of sight.

"You see, your little friend Tony was so jealous of our relationship four years ago, that the day we fought he had come to the café where we had met, asking me to leave. I had expected this kind of move from him, just like I was expecting him that same night on your doorstep. Which is why, that afternoon at the café, I replaced his gun with an identical gun, only there were blanks in it, it was never loaded. I had elaborated a plan to get rid of you and get you back to your father as I had been ordered, and it went down perfectly."

Ziva stared at him, silent. Her eyes welled up when she mentioned her father. She had forgiven Eli, but it was still painful to remember what had come next.

"We fought" he continued "I let him win, he 'shot me' and my shirt miraculously stained with red colorant, very convenient."

Ziva raised an eyebrow. That night, she could have sworn it was blood.

"To this day, I still haven't figured out how you hadn't noticed. But then again, maybe you were a bit shaken by the whole 'my best friend shot my boyfriend out of jealousy and I almost shot him too' thing to notice."

She was amazed, and felt a little stupid.

"But the nurse… at the hospital she had told me that…"

"That I was dead?" Michael cut her off "Ziva, when will you learn that this is a terribly corrupted world that we are living in? I bribed the nurse, she was even pretty cheap." He stated simply. "How did you not get suspicious when Eli refused to have my body examined by your ME?"

Ziva brought back that detail from her memory. They had asked permission to Eli David to let ducky perform the autopsy on the mossad Operative, but he had refused. They had never seen his body, only a coffin she now guessed was empty. It didn't occur to her that her father was lying to her from the beginning back then, but then again, he had not lost her trust yet.

"You staged your own death to get me back to Israel, so that my father would send me to Somalia instead of you." She said, tears running down her cheeks. How could her own father do such thing, break her heart, make her leave behind everything she ever loved only to face death. This was not even human.

"You are finally beginning to understand. This is good, I am proud of you" he said smiling a fake smile. She wanted to shoot him very bad.

" . .Michael?" she asked pausing between every word, anglrily, and turned around to face him. He was maybe even taller than she remembered.

"Before I answer your question Ziva, I need you to thrown your gun on the floor. Oh, and your knife too, you know I can see you slipping it in your sleeve in the mirror."

Ziva obeyed, as she didn't have much choice, because as he spoke, Michael had raised his gun against her, pointing it directly to her head.

"Your spare gun too"  
"I don't carry one anymore"  
"Liar!" he said. He pointed the gun at her ankle and fired a shot right beside her foot. She bent down and threw her last gun away. Then, and only then, she realized she was in trouble.

"Done, there. Now tell me what you want and let's get this over with."

"Your father has given you a flash-drive. I know you have opened it. And you do know Israel is very jealous of it's secrets." He said in a playful tone.

"So you have to kill me…" she whispered.  
"Precisely" he said.

Ziva closed her eyes. She knew this day would come eventually, but she definitely didn't expect it to come so fast, and most of all she didn't expect it from him. _"Maybe it's for the best" _she thought_ "I was going to leave the others anyway. This way, they shouldn't be bothered again."_

"I wish you knew how long I have waited for this… You were always the best mossad officer, nobody could compete with you. You were our director's daughter, you were unattainable as far as killing skills were concerned. And now I get to kill you after I slept with you and broke your heart. Isn't that just lovely!" he stated. "And, cherry on the cake, the sex was great."

Ziva didn't pay attention at all to this little speech he was giving himself and her. She could only think of Tony. Would he grieve her like last time? Would he hunt down Rivkin and kill him all over again? She smiled. Of course he would. He went to Somalia for her, he really cared about her. He would have done this for her a thousand times.

She smiled slightly thinking of all the good times with Tony. Yes, she wanted to remember life as it was with him: complicated, rough, extremely funny and filled with love.

"Make it quick" she begged barely audibly.

"Goodbye Ziva" he muttered.

A few seconds later she heard a shot, and she thought she was dead. _"Death feels an awful lot like life to me" _she thought. She immediately heard 8 more shots, fired closely one after the other.

She opened her eyes just in time to see Michael's lifeless body fall to the ground, revealing Tony's figure behind him, his shaking hand holding his gun pointed towards the corpse.

"…Tony…"

_A/N: so at first I had decided to have Tony arrive too late. But then I figured you'd just hate me if the bastard put a bullet through Ziva's skull, so yeah, I decided to kill him off. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, there will be 2 more chapters, mostly Tiva chapters and how they are each dealing with the "you saved me but I am leaving the family" thing.  
Please review! :)_


	16. Chapter 16

**_First of all, I am so sorry for the delay. I went onvacation and didn't have time to write...  
Now, this is another chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it, because I had a lot of time to think it through. it is quite sad, but I hope you'll like it anyways. It's a chapter of Tivatension..  
there is only one left after this one.. Please review! :) And enjoy the reading._**

_Tony's hospital room, 1 hour earlier_

He shot his eyes wide open. They had sedated him to calm down his breathing, he was so agitated he could have pulled his stitches. When he opened his eyes, he felt dizzy and had trouble remembering why he had been sedated. But then the vivid pain to the chest reminded him: Ziva. He felt his eyes filling with tears but he held them back. He could only feel pain and anger in his heart, there was no place for sorrow.

How could she abandon him in such a cowardly way, after everything they had been through? How could she leave him when he most needed her after everything he had done for her? How could she walk away from him when he loved her?

Ziva was his lifeline, she couldn't leave. Whatever were her issues with mossad, they had to face the problem together. It wasn't like his ninja to walk away from danger like that.

He ran a hand through his hair. Danger…Mossad…Ziva leaving…

"Rivkin!" he yelled sitting up in his hospital bed. His chest protested but he didn't care: Ziva was in trouble. And yes, he was pissed at her, she had hurt him, but he still loved her and he had her back no matter what.

He slowly and painfully got rid of all the medical equipment that was still tied to his body and stood up. At first he almost fell: his legs were weak because he hadn't been standing up for over a week. He sat back on the bed and noticed the set of clothes Gibbs had brought to him. He smiled. Thank God Gibbs had had this brilliant idea. He took off his hospital gown and dressed up. He was surprised to find his gun and badge among his clothes. Gibbs really was a genius. However, the genius had forgotten to leave him his cell phone. This meant only one thing: he had to find Ziva alone.

He wasn't dressed up as a patient anymore, which made it quite easy for him to sneak out of the hospital. Of course, a few nurses looked at him suspiciously when they noticed he wasn't able to walk on his own and had to lean on the wall to stand up. However, they didn't say anything to him and he managed to get to the street. He called a cab and gave Ziva's address, secretly praying for her to be there, possibly without Michael.

When he arrived he had a gut feeling something was off. He quickly paid the cabby and went inside Ziva's building as fast as he could. Ziva lived on the second floor, so he decided it would be faster to take the stairs rather than the elevator. He really had this feeling that Ziva had only a few moments left to live, he felt his throat narrow, as if he were suffocating. The adrenaline his body provided made him momentarily forget his stab wound, and he ran upstairs. He drew his gun from his belt as he arrived in front of Ziva's front door. It was closed, but he could hear Rivkin's deep voice through it, although he couldn't quite make out what he was saying.

As silently as possibly human, he turned the knob and slowly opened the door. He took a few steps in, always careful not to make a sound. It only took him a few seconds more to see the two people in the apartment. Michael was standing before Ziva, a gun to her head, while she had her eyes closed and was smiling. Tony raised his gun, praying that Rivkin wouldn't notice his reflection in the mirror.

"Make it quick." She asked. Her voice was soft and yet he could sense the resignation she had put into it.  
"Goodbye, Ziva."

No, this couldn't be the end. Without even thinking, Tony took the aim and shot Michael in the back once. He saw Rivkin look at his reflection right into the eyes, and they looked as if they were saying _"You again?"_

This time, Tony was determined not to let him another chance and unloaded his gun on the poor bastard's back. Rivkin fell lifeless, this time for good.

Right when he fell, Ziva opened her eyes in surprise. She looked at Michael for a few seconds and then raised her look, met Tony's eyes.

"…Tony…" she said almost in disbelief. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. Her chin was trembling and her eyes hadn't left his. Tony, on the other hand, tried to avoid her chocolate brown eyes and focused on the corpse.

She ran to him and hugged him tight, damping his shirt with her tears. He stood there, gun drown to Rivkin, and didn't react. He had saved her, yes, but this didn't change the way he felt: upset and angry at her.

When she noticed he wasn't responding to the hug, she let go the embrace. Tony heavily fell to the ground, eyes staring into nothingness. Only then did Ziva realize his shirt was damped with something else.

"Tony, you are bleeding…" she stated matter-of-factly.

Tony lowered his gaze. He knew he was bleeding quite a lot, he had felt the stitches tear apart while he was running upstairs, but he didn't care much at the time. He was solely focused on Ziva. However, now that his adrenaline rush had faded away, he could clearly feel the pain, and it was almost unbearable.

"I noticed." He said coldly.

He didn't want to make her think things were ok between them only because he had saved her life. Because things weren't ok at all.

"You need to get back to the hospital."  
"You think so?" he asked sarcastically. However it was not the playful sarcasm she was used to hear from him.

Without further conversation she helped him up and sustained him to her car, where she softly let him fall into the passenger's seat. She took the driver's seat and started driving, silently. Tony was losing a lot of blood and was starting to feel dizzy. After a while she spoke:

"Thank you" she said turning her face to him. She longed for his look but it never came, he kept staring at the road.  
"For what?" he asked annoyed. He knew for what, but he wanted to hear it from her, because even if she had hurt him again he couldn't ignore his feelings for that Israeli ninja.  
"For saving my life" she said simply.  
"It's what partners do, they have each other's back" he said, trying to make her feel guilty for leaving. It worked. He added:  
"I would have done it for any of my partners."

His voice was shaking and he was weaker and weaker, and Ziva couldn't help but notice it. However, she decided not to point it out, too afraid to hurt his pride, and instead pressed the accelerator even harder: Tony needed to go to the hospital, fast. His vision was starting to blur, and he was fighting against unconsciousness.

"I didn't" she said out of the blue.  
"You didn't what?" he said in a small but exasperated voice. He was tired of her meaningless statements.  
"Love him. Now I know."

Tony flashed back to that afternoon in Israel.  
_Ziva had thrown him on the ground, pointing her gun to his chest, yelling at him.  
"You loved him." He had stated.  
"I guess I'll never know" she had answered before walking away from him._

Tony almost smiled, but he felt his eyes closing and suddenly it all went black. He could only hear in a distance Ziva's voice, calling his name, begging him to hang on.

And there he was, floating in the weightless dark space again.

**OMG :O will Tony survive his blood loss?  
Guess you'll have to read the LAST CHAPTER to find out! :) I have already written it (like a month ago, it was one of the first I worte), I only have to correct it a bit, you should expect it veeeeeeeery soon! (No no, I am not trying to make it up to you for the huge delay of this chapter :P)**


	17. Chapter 17

**This great journey has come to an end. Here is the LAST chapter of this fic, hope you enjoy it :)**

**I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has read my story, and particularly to those who have posted reviews on a regumar basis, I could never have done it without you guys :')  
I hope this fiction satisfied you, I must say I am pretty satisfied with the final result. You guys are just wonderful for reading it!**

**I just want to do a disclaimer, since it seems that a lot of people do them for all their chapters, I don't want to mess up with CBS or GG... I do not own NCIS or any of these characters and...yes that's it.**

**Let me know what you think of this last chapter in the review section! You rock, people! :)**

Tony opened his eyes. The first thing he felt was a terrible headache. Damn painkillers. The second thing he felt was a hand holding his. He looked to his left, recognizing his now too familiar hospital room and found Ziva's glare.

"Hi Tony" she said quietly.  
"Hi". He answered dryly. He was still hurt by her leaving him. He loved her with all his heart and soul, but she really was impossible sometimes. She squeezed a little his hand and began:  
"I think I owe you an apology…"  
"Ya think?" he snapped.  
He tried not to sound too angry, but it was really hard. Plus his chest was beginning to hurt again. She stood up and took a few steps back, she couldn't stand so close to him, look at him…  
"I am not really sure how to say this…" she whispered.  
"Well you know what Ziva? Maybe you shouldn't say anything at all and leave…"  
She raised her gaze but lowered it back again almost instantly when he added:  
"…again"  
His voice broke. He looked away from her. She stood silent for a few seconds. Then she plucked up her courage and said:  
"When I understood it had been a mossad operative who had hurt you, I couldn't… I understood I was the target, not you. You had just been collateral damage and it made me so angry at myself. I left and I thought it was for the best. Believe me, Tony, I really felt bad about it…"  
He chuckled. He seriously doubted that.  
"But then, when I saw you shoot Michael…again… I understood something. We just cannot get rid of each other. I mean, we keep pushing each other away, like you're doing right now…"  
Tony stopped staring at the wall like an idiot. He decided instead that his hands were a subject of much more interest.  
"…But in the end it always comes down to this." She continued indicating the both of them with her hand.  
There were a few seconds of silence. Then she added:  
"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by leaving…"  
He looked away once more. She took a few steps forward and grabbed his hand one more time, hoping it wasn't the last one, sitting by his side.  
"And I promise you, I will never leave you again."

He looked at their intertwined fingers for a few moments. She had said more than enough for him to seek his forgiveness, but rage was still boiling inside his soul. Rage and the fear of losing the one thing he couldn't live without. He didn't say anything, so she whispered hoping it would be enough:  
"Sometimes, things need to fall apart to make place for better things…"  
He thought of Kate at this exact moment and how she'd told him she was glad to be dead for a greater good. And he remembered what was that greater good.  
"Well" he said smirking "you know I can't live without you…"  
She smiled sadly at him.  
"You know, Tony, a week ago I thought I had lost you for good."  
They stared right into each other's eyes. She kept going:  
"And that made me realize that there are a lot of things that were left unsaid between us, things…that matter"  
"And you thought you might never get the chance to spill them out…" he continued.  
She looked at him quizzically, wondering how he would know that.  
"I had the same thought too" he added nodding.  
"I feared it was going to be like with my father, that I would never get the chance to tell you…"  
He was about to skip a beat.  
"…How much you are important to me. Two years ago I told you you were in my life and I meant it. And seeing you in this hospital bed, struggling for life, it made me realize that…I cannot live without you either, Tony."

He had lowered his gaze right now. He couldn't just show her with a glare how happy and moved he was. And he thought the quiet beep of the machines would go crazy if he had tried to look into her beautiful brown eyes. So he looked at their hands, still intertwined.  
"You know I uh…When I was out I spoke to Kate, in France actually…"  
She looked at him perplex, once again. What did this had to do with anything, was he even listening? He continued:  
"…She told me beautiful things…things about us. She made me realize how much I had to come back for, if I managed to come back. And that somehow gave me the strength to actually make it back… to you."  
Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't cry, not just yet. His eyes glittered slightly too.  
"You're not the one who put me in harms ways in the first place, Ziva, you're the one who saved me." He said in a barely audible voice.  
She let go his hand. Tony thought he might have gone too far for a second. He was scared at that thought, but then out of nowhere, Ziva threw herself into his arms and hugged him. She was crying softly, too moved to say anything. She was merely relieved about what she had just heard. He hugged her back and now whispered to her ear:  
"She also told me that we could be…as one. You and me. And…I'd love that. You're my everything, sweetcheeks."  
She slightly let go the embrace and put her forehead against his. Her hands were still around his neck and his were around her waist. Tony closed his eyes when he felt her smooth skin on top of his.  
"Then you shall catch her before she leaves" she said quoting him but thinking about Kate this time, "and thank her".  
Her hands slipped on his cheeks, so that they cupped his face. She was leaning over him completely. He gently pulled her towards him to fill the gap that parted their two pairs of lips.  
She smiled as the two of them softly kissed, his lips finding hers, caressing them with all the care and affection he was capable of.

THE END


End file.
